Countingdown.com spoiler-free review of Star Wars: Episode II

Countingdown.com ^

[Sir Gawain]

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May 02, 2002
Episode II: Spoiler Free
Submitted by: Antony

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Greetings AskewNutz! Here, as promised, is my hot off the press review of Star Wars Episode II:

The following review is SPOILER FREE.

Allow me to perform a minor Jedi mind trick...

You're wondering:

Is Star Wars Episode II better than Episode I?

I am glad to report an emphatic YES.

It's a bit difficult to make a fair comparison. I've always felt Episode 1 had the Sabaac deck stacked against it from the beginning .

When Star Wars Episode 1 zoomed into theaters a few years ago, my college buds and I made a real event of it. The Internet had entered its angry adolescent years and whole sites dedicated to nothing but Episode 1 sprang up as wretched hives of hearty hype and raging rumor (among them was a little site called Countingdown To Star Wars Episode 1). There were spy reports and detail leaks that caused huge security ramp-ups within the already secretive empire that was Lucasfilm, LTD. For the first time, the fans were in on the makings of the story ahead of time, and it was exciting.

The merchandise...ahh, the world was once again awash in spanking-new Star Wars stuff of every conceivable kind, color, and conception. People with a little disposable income began to build new armies of action figures and ships, foam frisbees, and inflatable chairs. Even soda cans became a highly in- demand collectible. Soda cans. (Now that’s a marketing machine that can hawk my movie any day.) Men and women built new Star Wars collections with curator-like care. (Sometimes it got ugly. I witnessed adults elbowing kids away from shelves in search of that newest ‘variant’ figure.) The public was hungry for Star Wars. After all, we had been waiting for the newest installment of Lord Lucas's saga for a good part of our adult lives. I don't know about you, but nearly every piece of original Star Wars merch that I had possessed as a youngling had gone The Way Of The Firecracker a long time ago on a Fourth Of July far, far away. It was nice to re-stock the coffers.

In addition, there was a feeling of vindication in the air. Finally, we of the second generation of SW nuts could stand in our own lines of legendary stature that made a summer day at Disney World look like a county fair Tilt-A-Whirl run by a drunken carnie. We could say we had been there when it all began. We could take ownership of our own pop-culture juggernaut. There were unprecedented marathon lines in front of movie theaters that started weeks before ticket sales began. Frenzied fans slobbered visibly with anticipation. A baby was born. His parents named him Anakin. Grown men who had never even looked at a sewing machine cobbled together passable Jedi garb from brown blankets and karate costumes.

Finally, the day arrived: May 19, 1999. More lines formed. Mini-communities of SW lovers sprouted up on cinema sidewalks all over the world. Grown men shaved their heads, day-job-be-damned, and spirit gummed Play-Dough(tm) horns to their shiny noggins in an attempt to be as Sith-y as possible. Newspapers reporters did interviews. Day long Star Wars Trivia tournaments took place. Plastic lightsabers were unfurled in heretofore unseen numbers to illuminate the Dark Side as night fell upon midnight screening ticket holders all over the galaxy. News crews showed up and turned their lights on the Maulish men and Amidalish women.

Finally, The Doors Opened.

Cheers rang out across the theaters as the theme music we've all come to know and love so much crashed in our ears. We drank in the new epic's first episode, every detail and nuance.

Suddenly...it was over.

The tide had surged, swelled, and broken over our heads.

Then, the bickering began. Armchair directors complained of stereotypical character traits that insulted various ethnic groups and simplistic dialogue unworthy of the scale of the grand Star Wars Universe. We heard about the silliness of Anakin's Immaculate Conception. Then there was the Great Midichlorian Debate. And Jar Jar. Poor Jar Jar. I just don't have the time.

Let's be fair, folks. With all the hype and heraldry, could Star Wars Episode 1 have ever lived up to the expectations that had been building for nearly two decades? Possibly. Whatever the truth, Episode 1 was undeniably ground-breaking in its visual effects innovations, but left many fans feeling a bit of the after-Christmas blues. Fans hopes had been so high, Jedi Master Yoda himself couldn't have lifted them from the swamps after they had crashed.

It’s been three years. The storm that was Episode 1 has passed. What do you do when you fall off the Tauntaun? You get up, brush yourself off, and ride back into the snow storm. Today, I had a unique privilege to view Star Wars Episode II, and you’ll have to forgive me for saying this, but I’d like to give you, dear reader, A New Hope.

You should know, I wasn’t all that unhappy with Episode 1. Sure, I had a few gripes. Being a movie-maker myself, I tend to look at movies in a more gentle frame of reference than some of my fellow netizens because I know how freakin’ hard it is. Any time I go see a flick, the first question I try to ask myself is, all things considered, with what I have available in my apartment and bank account, ‘Could I have made a better movie?’ If the answer is ‘yes’, I feel free to dole out the criticism. If not, I try to look for the positives, and leave the negatives to the naysayers.

Whatever your feelings on Episode 1, I can tell you with great pleasure, that you should walk into Episode II with an expectation to be undeniably entertained in a way you never have before by a SW film.

Because of the fact that I think spoilers suck, I can’t give you details about the movie. You’ll find plenty of that on the net in the next few days if that’s what you’re looking for. I can, however, relate to you the experience that I had today as a fan, and a writer, and I think I can help you find a peg to hang your expectations on so that you’re not unduly under- or over- whelmed.

First off, if you, like me, have done your best to be spoiler free, DON’T BE TEMPTED in these last few weeks. I struggled like all of you, and let me tell you, it PAID OFF. Rest assured, in this case, true love waits. And don’t worry if you’ve seen any of the trailers. For once, a director has had the courage to keep a great deal of the best, most savory scene selections of the flick hidden from sight.

Things you can look forward to as you wait for May 16th:

Excellent, innovative new weapons never seen before in any of the flicks.
Complex, multi-layered characters making difficult choices.
Brand new expansive environments.
Tons of new species of non-humans that are amazing to see.
Combat, combat, combat. I wish I could tell you more. Suffice it to say:
Darth Maul vs. Obi Wan Kenobi = A BIG YAWN compared to what’s coming on the 16th.
Jedi, Jedi, everywhere!
A meaty, expansive plot that that surprised my socks off. Remember folks, we’re done with the exposition. It’s showtime!
Tragedy. In a good way.

Things you don’t have to worry about:

A gushy, gooey romance. Mr. Lucas has described Episode II as a love story, and that’s true. To a point. But it’s not overwhelming.
Too much Jar Jar. He’s definitely still around, and he’s important. But he’s matured. Sort of.
A ‘video’ look. The entire film was shot on special prototype 24fps video cameras; you’ll never know the difference.

Things to be prepared for:

Some of G.L.’s classic corny jokes.
A little stilted ‘Flash Gordon’-type melodrama.
Characters with ‘foreign’ accents. They’re still there, and G.L.’s making no apologies.
The scope of the movie is overwhelming at times; Mr. Lucas gives us so much to look at that it's occasionally difficult to follow the action. But in a good way.

A quick word of advice: hit the john before you head into the theater and go easy on the soda consumption as you watch. Episode II is well over 2 hours in length. With so much action, my best friend of twenty years told me tonight that he was seriously considering relieving himself in his super-size soda cup because he didn’t want to leave. Gladly, he decided against that course of action…but I’d hate to see any of you with the same dilemma.

Closing Thoughts:

Episode IV was largely expository, so was Episode 1. Remember the old ‘Empire is the best pisode because it’s so heavy on story’ argument? I’d say that rule applies here.

Episode II sucked me in; driving out of the theater parking lot, my imagination was still locked in the spacious, chock-full-o-detail universe that we have all come to know and love. My car was suddenly a speeder, dodging in and out of traffic of the spaceways of Coruscant...

I felt, well, like a twelve year old again. Come to think of it, with a movie like this, that's kind of the point, isn’t it?

May the force be with all of you on May 16th!

[Sir Gawain]

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[Zack Nguyen]

I had an inkling this one might be better. I remember that Empire was the best out of the original trilogy.

The trailors look excellent. But if the fight scenes are better than the Obi-Whan/Darth Maul roustabout, then I definitely have ot be there.

[Clemenza]

As I have said before, I would ge see Episode II even if it had Jar Jar Binks doing a naked tango with an Ewok.

My main complaint with the new trilogy is that all of the computer animation makes it look like a Nintendo game.

[anniegetyourgun]

Hhmmm, a friend saw preview showing and said it wasn't that great. Guess I'll have to find out for myself.

[Rebelbase]

Also, I think there is a reference in Episode II that Janet Reno is Jabba's sister.

[egarvue]

Go to Aintitcoolnews.com for some good reviews, some good, some mixed. Find the one by a guy called Moriarity, its the best written and probably the most accurate.

[tamu]

THANK YOU for posting this!!

i too have been avoiding all trailers and even have to walk thru
the supermarket with my head down b/c of all the EpII stuff plastered
all over the store.

summer classes begin the 13th here at penn state. i'll be showing
a movie opening day (hey, i started skipping school in the second
grade for SW, so why not continue while on the other side of the podium?).

i am soooo stoked!!!

[Windsong]

It really depends on what you want to see. Effects? Youll be pleasantly surprised. Dialogue? Sucks. One can even surmise THAT much from the trailers. I think the problem is the, dare I say it, DIRECTION! Georgie should let someone ELSE direct it, as he did in Empire, and ROTJ. But since he finances the film himself, he is accountable to no one. And therein is the problem. His ego. No wonder Steven didnt dare go near it.

[Mr. Jeeves]

Let's be fair, folks. With all the hype and heraldry, could Star Wars Episode 1 have ever lived up to the expectations that had been building for nearly two decades?

Maybe not, but dumping Jar Jar and editing out all of the Americanisms ("Yippeee!") from Anakin's dialogue would have solved 90% of its problems.

[laotzu]

Kinda strange how thew Empire becomes this huge, tyrannical government despite getting their butts kicked every episode.

[billybudd]

Whadda ya mean? The Empire kicked the c--- out of the rebels in episode V.

[billybudd]

Thank the Maker!

[Paradox]

I Read the review linked off Drudge's site. Said that the acting sucked, and the movie was not that good. I am glad I read that review, and I will have that preconception as I go in to see the movie. By pulling down my expectations, perhaps I will be pleasantly surprised.

The same thing happened to me with Pearl Harbor. From all the bad reviews, I expected something like "Battlefield Earth". However, I found it to be a much better movie than I had hoped.

[BibChr]

There seem to be a lot of folks here who LIKE to NOT LIKE things. I guess it makes them feel above the rabble. I don't know.

Not me! I like to have a good time and bring back a positive report!

Por eso, I enjoy this. Thanks!

Dan

[laotzu]

"The Empire kicked the c--- out of the rebels in episode V."

They did destroy the Rebel base, but all the rebels escaped.
And, they got that cloud-city place. But, even the wuss Luke escaped.

Hardly galactic controlling victories.

[Liberal Classic]

"Too much Jar Jar. He's definitely still around, and he's important. But he's matured. Sort of."

Noooo!

[Texaggie79]

You seen spiderman yet? I started off not liking CGI that much. Gladiato's battle scene at the start of the movie had my mind thinking I was watching a computer animated movie. Then the first major use of a human in CGI I remember was on Harry potter and the broom incident. It totally looked faked to me. Then LOTR really got me used to it. The monsters really kicked @$$, and were a hundred times better than clay animation or Muppets. Then when I saw spiderman last weekend, I found that I had no problem with all the CGI of spidey. I actually loved it, because that is the only way you could have spidey move like he did in the cartoons. I think it just has to grow on you, but in the future, it will be quite common and accepted.

[Texaggie79]

I wonder if the actor that plays jar jar's body even lists that in his resume.

[Texaggie79]

I still stand by my lone position of Return of the Jedi being the best so far.