Why do men cheat on their wives?

Ask Dr Gaylen ^

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

do  Why Do Men Cheat on Their Wives?

QUESTION:  

My husband is very much a flirt. Because of this as well as numerous other reasons, I think my husband is having an affair. I don?t think I am lust being paranoid. Please give me some help in understanding why men cheat, because I don?t think it is just me.   

  ANSWER:  

Your dilemma is one that is all too common. You are probably right when you say that it is not ?just me.?  It takes two to make a marriage or break a   marriage, and it takes two to have an affair. The fact that he has always been ?a flirt? suggests that, at one time, he was that way with you. You probably responded in a way that made him feel special, wanted, and needed, and reinforced his flirting behavior. This ties in with

 the first and main reason why men have affairs: to feed  their ego. The problem with us males is that feeling good about ourselves, or meeting our ?ego needs,? is our primary goal in life. Therefore, the first reason why men get involved in affairs is that it feeds their egos.

   The second reason is what we call ?misplaced anger.? For example lets consider the husband who is really mad at his wife for whatever reason. He may have an affair with some other woman as a way of making his wife ?pay. ? Instead of directing his anger toward her (which he may be afraid to do), or expressing the anger in a way that will help the relationship change, he just has sex with some other woman This action then feeds his ego (because someone else wants him), so he now feels good (physically and emotionally) and he doesn?t feel as angry with his wife. In his anger, he has made her pay.

   The third reason why men have affairs is boredom. The Bible (Proverbs 9:1 7) tells us  ?stolen melons are the sweetest,  stolen apples taste the best.?  In modem times this means that the ?grass is greener on the other side of the fence.? ?If I don?t have enough excitement in my life, I will create some.?

5 Reasons Why Men Cheat
on Their Wives

       1.  LOSS OF EGO
             A man?s primary need is to feel good about
             himself.  When he doesn?t he finds ways to
             meet this primary goal .

       2.   MISPLACED ANGER
              He may be angry at his wife but, rather
              than  deal with problem, he has an affair to
              ? make her pay?  

        3.   BOREDOM 
              Affairs are rarely boring; they tend to be
              exciting and full of life. Even the fear of
              getting caught causes excitement.  

        4.   ESCAPE FROM EMOTIONAL PAIN  
              The male sex drive provides a distraction
               or ?vacation? from emotional pain.  

      5.   NEED FOR NURTURE & INTIMACY
               If these needs are being met, men have
               no need to look elsewhere

 Children who are raised in alcoholic homes, for example, become what we refer to as ?adult children of alcoholics.? One key characteristic is that they become easily bored with life should it become too ?stable.?  
Children in alcoholic homes are raised with nothing being stable. As adults, they are then more comfortable in an unstable environment than in a stable one. This is why they become ?bored? and actually create chaos - because it is what is most familiar or comfortable to them. We all tend to repeat our past, whether that is a positive past or a negative past. If it was unstable then, we feel most comfortable in creating an unstable one now. 

The fourth reason why men have affairs is to escape emotional pain. Our sex drive is the second strongest drive within us -second only to self-preservation. Sex therefore can easily be used as a strong distraction from some emotional pain we do not want to feel. Few things in life are more intense than fulfilling this sex drive with a climax or orgasm. For this reason, a man can use sex as a way to distract him from emotional pain, like problems at home or work. It feels good to him physically, and he gets a vacation from the rest of his feelings of hurt and pain. This is why pornography is a multi-billion dollar industry. He can receive instant gratification just by looking at a magazine, the Internet, a video, etc., and have a secondary benefit of taking a vacation from some internalized emotional pain. 

The fifth reason is the desire for nurture and intimacy. A recent study from the Florida State University found that premature babies who were massaged by their mothers on a regular daily basis developed physically 60% faster than those who did not receive this extra ?touching.? We all need human touch. It is a special form of nurture. When men don?t feel nurtured and cared for by their wives, they will seek it elsewhere. Everyone, males and females need to be nurtured with touch.

[ValerieUSA]

How about A total lack of honor?

[Dec31,1999]

OK. I stand corrected.

[RedBloodedAmerican]

Yea but what a cool name? RATzinger

[RedBloodedAmerican]

Men or women?

[ValerieUSA]

Humankind is NOT a monogamous species

What a Line! How many women fall for this Bu!!sh!t? sheeeesh.

[RedBloodedAmerican]

I have had sex with women other than my wife since we married, but I have never cheated on my wife

Sisters and in-laws are considered "cheating", bub.

[Lorianne]

Feminazis and liberals have managed to turn something many married men (used) to enjoy (without criticism), sex with women other than their wives, into something considered immoral and wrong. Do you have the same opinion about wives who have sex with someone other than their husbands? Just curious.

[ValerieUSA]

The question is Why do men cheat on their wives? So my simple answer to the simple question applies to men.

[Dec31,1999]

Please accept my apology. Both you and StolarStorm are in the right.

[Double Tap]

I just asked my boyfriend this question, and he said that unless the man thinks that the wife is the best thing in bed that he will ever hope to find, he's going to look for it elsewhere.

No offense intended, but you better have a second look at the guy your dating. If that is how he rates what a good wife is, your relationship is doomed at the start.

I've been happily married for 15 years, and good sex is part of a good marriage, but not all of it, not even a majority of it.

[RedBloodedAmerican]

Well, me being a simple man didn't get it I guess. Got nuts?

[soccermom]

Don't waste your time. He's a disruptor.

[Gabz]

I will put you and your husband in my prayers - bi-polar is not easy for either party.

My ex had an entirely different problem - he had cheated on his former wife - I think the term for what he did to me is called "projection."

My husband is a wonderful man and to this day still doesn't understand the other nutjob. Nor does he understand any man who would stoop so low as to cheat on his wife, or even intended wife. His attitude regarding both men and women - If you are not ready to settle down with one person do not even consider it.

[isthisnickcool]

Which one of the "wives"?

[is_is]

cheating on my husband..shhhh. don't tell him where I am

psssst......did you ever go back and unstake him??? LOL

[nomad]

There is, however, one big problem with both questions/statements, and that is they make blanket misandronistic/misogynistic statements, not all husbands/wifes cheat on their spouses. Pity you didn`t see that obvious point in my reply.

[FITZ]

(the 7 year itch). This number correlates with the age that most children were able to survive.

That's a phony theory because it implies a woman has one child that is self-sufficient at 7 and that men don't care to have a connection with older children. For one, there will be another baby in about 2 years...then another...then another. A man would prefer to support his own children, not the children of other men that he would do by dropping one wife and taking another. One man and one woman can produce more than enough kids for one man to support.

[nomad]

There is, however, one big problem with both questions/statements, and that is they make blanket misandronistic/misogynistic statements, not all husbands/wifes cheat on their spouses. Pity you didn`t see that obvious point in my reply.

[UnBlinkingEye]

Dr. Gaylen is full of it. Married couples have no reason to abandon their vows and every encouragement to sustain their families.