Why do men cheat on their wives?

Ask Dr Gaylen ^

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

do  Why Do Men Cheat on Their Wives?

QUESTION:  

My husband is very much a flirt. Because of this as well as numerous other reasons, I think my husband is having an affair. I don?t think I am lust being paranoid. Please give me some help in understanding why men cheat, because I don?t think it is just me.   

  ANSWER:  

Your dilemma is one that is all too common. You are probably right when you say that it is not ?just me.?  It takes two to make a marriage or break a   marriage, and it takes two to have an affair. The fact that he has always been ?a flirt? suggests that, at one time, he was that way with you. You probably responded in a way that made him feel special, wanted, and needed, and reinforced his flirting behavior. This ties in with

 the first and main reason why men have affairs: to feed  their ego. The problem with us males is that feeling good about ourselves, or meeting our ?ego needs,? is our primary goal in life. Therefore, the first reason why men get involved in affairs is that it feeds their egos.

   The second reason is what we call ?misplaced anger.? For example lets consider the husband who is really mad at his wife for whatever reason. He may have an affair with some other woman as a way of making his wife ?pay. ? Instead of directing his anger toward her (which he may be afraid to do), or expressing the anger in a way that will help the relationship change, he just has sex with some other woman This action then feeds his ego (because someone else wants him), so he now feels good (physically and emotionally) and he doesn?t feel as angry with his wife. In his anger, he has made her pay.

   The third reason why men have affairs is boredom. The Bible (Proverbs 9:1 7) tells us  ?stolen melons are the sweetest,  stolen apples taste the best.?  In modem times this means that the ?grass is greener on the other side of the fence.? ?If I don?t have enough excitement in my life, I will create some.?

5 Reasons Why Men Cheat
on Their Wives

       1.  LOSS OF EGO
             A man?s primary need is to feel good about
             himself.  When he doesn?t he finds ways to
             meet this primary goal .

       2.   MISPLACED ANGER
              He may be angry at his wife but, rather
              than  deal with problem, he has an affair to
              ? make her pay?  

        3.   BOREDOM 
              Affairs are rarely boring; they tend to be
              exciting and full of life. Even the fear of
              getting caught causes excitement.  

        4.   ESCAPE FROM EMOTIONAL PAIN  
              The male sex drive provides a distraction
               or ?vacation? from emotional pain.  

      5.   NEED FOR NURTURE & INTIMACY
               If these needs are being met, men have
               no need to look elsewhere

 Children who are raised in alcoholic homes, for example, become what we refer to as ?adult children of alcoholics.? One key characteristic is that they become easily bored with life should it become too ?stable.?  
Children in alcoholic homes are raised with nothing being stable. As adults, they are then more comfortable in an unstable environment than in a stable one. This is why they become ?bored? and actually create chaos - because it is what is most familiar or comfortable to them. We all tend to repeat our past, whether that is a positive past or a negative past. If it was unstable then, we feel most comfortable in creating an unstable one now. 

The fourth reason why men have affairs is to escape emotional pain. Our sex drive is the second strongest drive within us -second only to self-preservation. Sex therefore can easily be used as a strong distraction from some emotional pain we do not want to feel. Few things in life are more intense than fulfilling this sex drive with a climax or orgasm. For this reason, a man can use sex as a way to distract him from emotional pain, like problems at home or work. It feels good to him physically, and he gets a vacation from the rest of his feelings of hurt and pain. This is why pornography is a multi-billion dollar industry. He can receive instant gratification just by looking at a magazine, the Internet, a video, etc., and have a secondary benefit of taking a vacation from some internalized emotional pain. 

The fifth reason is the desire for nurture and intimacy. A recent study from the Florida State University found that premature babies who were massaged by their mothers on a regular daily basis developed physically 60% faster than those who did not receive this extra ?touching.? We all need human touch. It is a special form of nurture. When men don?t feel nurtured and cared for by their wives, they will seek it elsewhere. Everyone, males and females need to be nurtured with touch.

[KirkandBurke]

You must be the third one!

[rwfromkansas]

Why do women cheat on their husbands?

[VaBthang4]

Why do men cheat on their wives?

"Nagging"

[Gabz]

LOL!!!!!! (That's funny considering some of the comments I made on this thread last night in reference to my first husband. I was his THIRD wife.)

Seriously, regarding your comment - when we met I was making nearly twice what he was - and neither of us cared! Now I'm a stay at home mom! And still neither of us care.

It is all a mater of maturity, commitment and perspective.

[angcat]

force it.......... i hope my husband does not have to force himself not to have sex with someone else..............gezzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[Lorianne]

If I could only give one piece of advice about dating it would be... Be the person you want to find.

You are very wise.

[TopQuark]

My thoughts exactly! I was wondering which neighborhood bar has granted him Ph.D. Schmuck is a more appropriate appendage to his name: Mr. Galand, Sch.

[Melas]

I've been laughing uproariously over this thread for hours now. I've never seen so much over-intellectualization in one place in my entire life.

Men cheat on their wives because...drum roll please....

Because sex is tempting, and some men don't deal with temptation as well as others. Or, some people deal with temptation better than others, depending on your perspective. The truth is that lust is universal. Some will resist, others will succumb. Some will resist and still succumb, and others yet will relish the chance to give in but never find the opportunity.

I am soooooooo tempted to start a thread "Why do wives cheat on their husbands" because I just know that the intellectual hoops will become tighter, and set ablaze in an attempt to come up with the most convoluted explanation possible. Plus it would be somewhat humorous to see the "Women are scum" crowd offer up their opinions.

Just FYI, I found the whole notion that if the little woman is the man's fantasy, he'll never lust after another more than just a little laughable. Hopefully a marriage will have something stronger than hot sex behind it. It's much easier to lust after taught and tawny 22 year old than it is your 42 year old wife of 11 years (that would be my wife). You've never seen taught, young and tawny (hereafter TYT) with a runny nose. You've never seen vomit in TYT's hair. You never saw TYT's redneck grin (missing teeth)in the weeks between extraction and bridgework, etc etc etc.. TYT has never seen you in any of those situations as well, and it shows in the way she looks at you. If you knew that TYT had seen you cry like a baby the night the dog sniffed your butt, and you blew whiskey through your nose, you'd interpret her looks a little differently too.

The point being: Daily living is not sexy, and daily living is what marriage is all about.

[snudge]

I've been married 21 years and not once cheated on my wife.. and lord knows I tried.

[KirkandBurke]

Good on you. (both of you)

[Osinski]

Doesn't sound like "your boyfriend" will be good father material, since everything hinges on his woman's ability to be ready to be the best in quantity and quality whenever he so desires. Sounds like sex is his main focus.

[Osinski]

... I am shocked sometimes by what a man will allow himself to be seen with.

On second thought, you and your boyfriend sound just about right for each other.

[FITZ]

My guy thinks Camilla is sexy! He says that Diana looked sexless,

That might be true. Dianna looked sweet but it sounds like she was pretty neurotic. It can be hard to be around a neurotic person for very long.

[Terriergal]

Cuz the men that do this are too selfish to get the problem fixed in their marital relationship, or be faithful and do without sex even if the problem isn't fixed to his satisfaction.

Same goes for women who do this.

[Terriergal]

Boy what a bunch of semantic drivel.

I hope your wife agrees.

[Rebelbase]

Darling, you are headed for a heap o' trouble if you marry that man.

[Terriergal]

or is Chucky just into self abuse with ugly women. We may never know.

With that attitude you certainly won't.

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

Plus it would be somewhat humorous to see the "Women are scum" crowd offer up their opinions.

You don't need a special thread for that crowd. On FR, Every Day is Women are Scum Day!!!

[Hildy]

As Johnny Cammarari said, "FEAR OF DEATH." 50 bonus points to anyone who knows what I'm talking about!