Posted on 03/13/2026 1:01:23 PM PDT by simpson96
Dear Annie: My son is getting married in July, and I’m dreading it. The woman he plans to marry is, in my view, a lying, conniving, lazy master manipulator who has worn him down so much he barely seems to care about life anymore. He doesn’t see it, but my husband and I do. He thinks she hung the moon.
She’s a complete narcissist. She’s on her phone every waking minute, and doesn’t cook, clean or care for their daughter. My son works all day, then takes care of their home and my granddaughter while she makes excuses. She believes putting on “Ms. Rachel” and sitting in the same room scrolling TikTok counts as parenting. There is little to no interaction.
She hasn’t done anything to improve their situation; if anything, life seems harder because of how she conducts herself. She’s been “working on” getting her driver’s license for four years. When things go wrong, it’s always someone else’s fault, and she casts herself as the hero in every story. Every conversation somehow circles back to her.
I truly believe he’s making the biggest mistake of his life by marrying her. She won’t change because he, and everyone else, caters to her. What can we do? -- Dreading the Wedding
Dear Dreading the Wedding: It’s painful to watch someone you love make choices you wouldn’t make yourself. Even so, this is your son’s life, and if he’s set on marrying this woman, pressure won’t change that.
Share your concerns once, calmly and respectfully. Focus on what you’ve observed and how it affects him and your granddaughter, not on attacking her character. Then step back. If you’re right and things unravel, you want him to feel safe coming to you, not defensive or embarrassed.
Sometimes the best way to help is to keep the door open and your judgment quiet. You may not be able to stop this wedding, but you can make sure your son and granddaughter always have you in their corner.
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Jim
I thought Cankles was already married.
I see, you want to get Freepers opinions and compare. Ok I play, smack him around a little, that should do it.
She becomes property, lower than a dog.
She obeys him or else. She won't need a drivers' license anyway.
He has a child with her.
That is what complicates this, the most.
He sees what he’s doing and what she’s not doing—because he’s doing it all.
Sadly, she will divorce him because she doesn’t respect him. He doesn’t see that.
This sort of awful advice has led to the simping of men, and the marxist destruction of America: "you have no right to express your well-considered opinion. You are a good person only if you shut up, accept the bullshit, and deal with the mess afterwards!"
NO. You tell the man - you have already made a grave mistake having a child with this woman. I'm not going to stand by while you dig a deeper hole.
Did you read the whole advice? It said to speak her objections once, calmly, noting what has been observed; and do it in a way that leaves the door open for the day he may realize his error.
Nobody can learn another’s lessons for them, and you can’t force people to do the right thing.
His life is over if he has a child with this woman.
I advise the parents to ensure the soon tobe daughter in law cannot control their money.
I have seven children, six >21 years old, and if you feel like you need to, say your say once and then be at peace that you did what you obviously see as your responsibility.
If you want to do it only to feel better yourself, I would say don’t. There are a lot worse things that can happen to a parent in anguish over an adult child’s poor choices or misfortunes than a bad marital choice.
I have a friend with three wonderful adult children and one drug addict. He made the tough love choice and it ended terribly. His heart is broken, awful to see.
It’s part of parenthood. You buy the ticket for a (usually) wonderful journey, sometimes it sucks that you have to take the ride.
I thought this was gonna be a clever gloss on the tragic Charlie Kirk marriage....I actually forgot her name for a second......ERIKA!!
That needs to be the father or a friend.
It appears the mother wrote in.
I thought this was gonna be a clever gloss on the tragic Charlie Kirk marriage....I actually forgot her name for a second......ERIKA!!
Speaking from experience, my advice to the son would be, “RUN Dick, RUN!
I did. The only other caveat she gave was say your objections once, then shut up.
Bad advice.
My BIL is on his 3rd marriage. He's well into middle age now, but always had a thing for stylish and hot women, who are all about their looks and image. His career / financial success and having a super-model on his arm were a sign of status. I believe it came from his youth, growing up in poverty, with a physically distant father. He's otherwise a very kind and generous guy. Now takes very good care of his mom and aunt, being closest in proximity to them.
His 3rd marriage, to a woman 13 years younger, produced a child, who is now in college. 3rd wife has spent him into near oblivion and now that his money is mostly gone (he's still middle class at least), his earning potential has declined, and her looks have faded, she barely talks to him (or any of us) and rents a nice apartment near the college so she can be the cool, helicopter mom to their daughter, who also has turned against him
We all saw it coming 20+ years ago. But no one tried to talk to him.
Our advice may not have worked, but looking back, I see it as our own lack of courage and compassion towards him. He admits that he wishes someone had spoken to him about it.
Everyone always has great hindsight.
Pressing an issue like this too strongly usually only drives someone away. I think the advice given was appropriate.
First mistake was having a child with a woman he wasn’t married to. He is tied to that woman until the child turns 18 whether he likes it or not.
God’s rules are always best.
Agreed.
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