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Navy Recruitment Soars After Going Back To Blowing Up Pirates
The Bee ^ | September 3, 2025 | Staff

Posted on 09/03/2025 3:19:28 PM PDT by Navy Patriot

U.S. — Recruitment for the United States Navy has soared overnight after going back to its roots of blowing up pirates.

Once a fearsome force against armed hostile vessels attempting to reach American shores, the Navy had spent the last few decades focusing on monkeypox. That all changed overnight, when the Navy annihilated a vessel of armed men attempting to land in America while sailing under no country's flag.

"Oh man, sign me up," said local teenager Braden Daniels after hearing the Navy was back to bombing pirates. "That looks friggin' sweet. I had no idea killing pirates was an option on career day."

The Navy was inundated with new recruits after the news broke, with tens of thousands signing up in the past twenty-four hours. "Shifting the Navy's focus from dandy uniforms to pirate-bombing has been a real success," said Admiral Daryl Caudle. "Our recruitment centers have been overwhelmed with young men asking if we're really back to shooting big cannons at pirates. They're even cool with the dandy uniforms as long as they get to blow up pirates. So, win-win."

At publishing time, the Navy had confirmed that new sailors could consume any rum seized on the high seas, but had to leave the fentanyl alone.

(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...


TOPICS: Education; History
KEYWORDS:
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Excellent!

A return to the Real US Navy!

We can Hang From The Yardarm any Pirates that survive the explosive ordinance!

1 posted on 09/03/2025 3:19:28 PM PDT by Navy Patriot
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To: Navy Patriot

The US Navy was FOUNDED to kill pirates!


2 posted on 09/03/2025 3:21:58 PM PDT by NorthMountain (... the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed)
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To: Navy Patriot

Keel Hauling is back! And puffy shirts!


3 posted on 09/03/2025 3:22:17 PM PDT by crusty old prospector
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To: Navy Patriot

4 posted on 09/03/2025 3:24:04 PM PDT by BenLurkin (The above is not a statement of fact. It is opinion or satire. Or both.)
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To: Navy Patriot

Arrrrrrrrrr, me hearty

Just in time for September 19th

The official Talk Like A Pirate Day

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrr


5 posted on 09/03/2025 3:24:54 PM PDT by Ronaldus Magnus III (Do, or do not, there is no try )
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To: Navy Patriot

Aw, man. The Zumwalt class doesn’t have a single hangable yardarm. No gunports port and starboard. No planks to walk. No floggings. And just try to keelhaul somebody and the deck department starts whining about hull damage. What kind of Navy is this, anyway?


6 posted on 09/03/2025 3:33:24 PM PDT by Billthedrill
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To: Navy Patriot

Ordnance... just saying Navy Brother.


7 posted on 09/03/2025 3:34:28 PM PDT by maddog55 (The only thing systemic in America is the left's hatred of it!)
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To: Navy Patriot
I don't know. Pirates seem to be doing a fine job of blowing themselves up.


8 posted on 09/03/2025 3:38:32 PM PDT by Larry Lucido
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To: NorthMountain
The US Navy was FOUNDED to kill pirates!

True, with the additional purpose of transporting The United States Marines to discharge The Marines' duty To Kill Pirates.

9 posted on 09/03/2025 3:39:20 PM PDT by Navy Patriot (President Trump Decisively Won Popular & E.C., Celebrate Recivilization!)
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To: maddog55
I stand corrected, I let an i slip by me while on watch.

No Excuse, Sir!

10 posted on 09/03/2025 3:44:30 PM PDT by Navy Patriot (President Trump Decisively Won Popular & E.C., Celebrate Recivilization!)
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To: Ronaldus Magnus III

Thanks for reminding me!


11 posted on 09/03/2025 3:46:24 PM PDT by Navy Patriot (President Trump Decisively Won Popular & E.C., Celebrate Recivilization!)
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To: Navy Patriot

Thank you for the reminder...and then there’s this:

https://www.bing.com/videos/riverview/relatedvideo?q=Marine+Corps+Hymn+Music&&mid=F9542480A5DBAC351451F9542480A5DBAC351451&FORM=VCGVRP


12 posted on 09/03/2025 3:49:08 PM PDT by Thank You Rush
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To: Navy Patriot

Aye.. Carry on!


13 posted on 09/03/2025 4:05:36 PM PDT by maddog55 (The only thing systemic in America is the left's hatred of it!)
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To: Billthedrill

I’m not a Navy man, but a dozen or so updated Fletcher class destroyers sounds like just the ticket.


14 posted on 09/03/2025 4:06:07 PM PDT by MCF (If my home can't be my Castle, then it will be my Alamo)
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To: Thank You Rush

To the Shores of Tripoli!


15 posted on 09/03/2025 4:13:49 PM PDT by Navy Patriot (President Trump Decisively Won Popular & E.C., Celebrate Recivilization!)
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To: MCF

Yep, Navy Can Do!


16 posted on 09/03/2025 4:15:49 PM PDT by Navy Patriot (President Trump Decisively Won Popular & E.C., Celebrate Recivilization!)
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To: BenLurkin

I just finished a WW2 Navy novel.


17 posted on 09/03/2025 4:54:52 PM PDT by freepertoo
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To: freepertoo

Where’s the Village People?


18 posted on 09/03/2025 4:57:22 PM PDT by DIRTYSECRET
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To: Larry Lucido
Isn't major league baseball great? I mean, the worst teams generally win 50-60 times or so.
19 posted on 09/03/2025 6:23:52 PM PDT by citizen (A transgender male competing against women may be male, but he's no man.)
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To: Navy Patriot

Back 6o the Barbary Coast to cleanse it of Islam?


20 posted on 09/03/2025 6:24:59 PM PDT by Paladin2 (YMMV)
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