Posted on 02/08/2025 2:33:12 PM PST by Navy Patriot
U.S. — Americans are begging the now-famous security guard who stood up to screeching Democrats to please always follow Congress around to keep them from going anywhere or doing anything ever.
After witnessing the unnamed bald man with glasses and a neon Band-Aid single-handedly stopping Congress in its tracks, America has pinned its hopes on the anonymous hero shutting down Congress for good.
"If that guy could always stand in front of doorways so Congress can't go anywhere or do anything, that would be incredible," said local man Mark Sanders. "The country would be so much better off. Plus, it is just so entertaining. I could listen to Congress people shriek 'I'm not a thief!' all day. Way better than Netflix."
According to sources, several Americans have already taken it upon themselves to fashion likenesses of the security guard to station at strategic points. "It's not much, but making a little scarecrow replica of that security guy to put outside the Capitol -- it's the least I can do," said local woman Sarah Branch. "I tried to make his face look appropriately unimpressed and annoyed. I even added a little Band-Aid on his neck for good measure. Hopefully it at least scares Congress away for a few days."
At publishing time, the security guy had reportedly declined, stating that the five minutes he already spent with Congress was more than enough for one lifetime.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
Maxine confirmed one thing: It’s understandable why black men are attracted to white women.
Really. Can you imagine waking up next to THAT?
Enough to send one to Canada for euthanasia.
Love the security guard, he was awesome standing up to those idiots! Republicans need to take a lesson from him!
The only way that security guy can keep Congress from doing anything is if, following their trial and conviction for treason, he is hired to carry out their sentence.
I though Samuel Clemons said that.
That man deserves a medal.
The nick name “big balls” already been taken, perhaps “brass balls” is available.
Just cutting off wifi in the prison should keep at least half of them quiet.
Has this hero been identified yet?
He was COOL, CALM, and COLLECTED!! WHAT A GUY!
Yep, he’s real, and a Good Guy.
I tried to send the security guard a fan letter! His name is Jim Hairfield, and his job is "Deputy Assistant Secretary, Office of Security, Facilities and Logistics Services" at DOE.
His em WAS jim.hairfield@ed.gov up until today, but my fan letter bounced a few microseconds after sending it with "Delivery to the following recipients failed permanently: * jim.hairfield@ed.gov Reason: Permanent Error"
Poor guy. You could see on his face, that's the last place on earth he wanted to be standing.
Maybe he should’ve just opened the door for them.
Then they could have been arrested and prosecuted like the J6rs.
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