Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

My Husband And His Family Voted For Trump — So I'm Canceling Thanksgiving And Christmas [Sweet, sweet Schadenfreude]
HuffPost ^ | 11/12/2024 | Andrea Tate

Posted on 11/14/2024 12:00:17 PM PST by simpson96

I knew he voted red. He knew I voted blue. I had hoped the most capable and most inclusive candidate would win. He hoped his idea of a better America would win. He won, and, from where I stand, America lost.

In the aftermath of Tuesday night’s results, still under the bed covers Wednesday morning, I scrolled social media looking for hope. I unfriended a few short-sighted FB friends— no need to continue our digital relationships and witness their selfishness and hate. Then I saw my husband’s post.

“God Bless America. God bless #45, 47.”

It had a few likes, and a few commenters joined him in his celebration. He was downstairs in the kitchen making coffee, and I was upstairs avoiding him. I couldn’t talk to him — or even look at him.

I immediately texted, “I love you, but out of respect for me and all my liberal writer friends, can you please take down that post? Also, tell your family I love them, but I will not be coming for Thanksgiving, and I won’t be hosting Christmas. I need space.”

Shortly after I sent the text, he brought me a cup of coffee in bed.

“I am sorry,” he said, “I understand.”

Did he? Did he really understand what he and so many others in this country had done? I could not forgive him. Not right now.

I spent most of the morning doom-scrolling next to the cold cup of coffee I ignored partially because I was distracted, primarily out of spite. I finally got up, made the bed, went outside into the beautiful sunny day, took a few deep breaths, and then went back upstairs to unmake the bed and spend the remainder of the day in it.

He went to work — I assumed energized by Trump’s victory.

The next day, I finally emerged and listened to Kamala’s concession speech. She reminded us, “Only when it’s dark enough can you see the stars.”

I wrote to my artist friends and told them to keep shining their lights. I wrote to my musician son in college and his songwriter girlfriend. I told them to keep creating. I wrote to my young nieces, who were terrified, and told them I was there for them. I wrote to my beautiful gay cousin and said I loved him and was thinking of him and his partner.

I kept writing.

I received a message from a family member who told me her Ukrainian friend was petrified. Another message came in from an actor friend who said she was afraid that the damage that will be done in the next four years could never be undone. One of my sisters wrote and said she had a panic attack and had to leave work. One of my students rescheduled our afternoon appointment saying she just couldn’t function.

Later that night, I briefly glanced at my husband and found myself not wanting to look into the eyes I love. I hated this divide. I wanted to touch his forearms and feel our connection, but I also felt an urge to punish him and deny him my touch.

“I am sorry about the holidays, but I cannot bite my tongue like I did with Hillary,” I told him. “I don’t want to disrespect your parents or your brother and his family in their home, or our home, so it’s best this way. No scenes. You can go see them. Seriously — I will not be in a room of 15 people who voted for Trump.”

He mentioned our son and his girlfriend, who are coming home for Christmas.

“Will they feel bad?” he asked.

Bad? I think they already feel bad. Really bad, I thought. Instead, I said, “We will have our own small holiday, and it will be fine.”

Will it be fine? I have wondered that since 2016, when I saw my husband’s stubbornness. How could a Latino vote for Trump? How can any of his family members vote for him? Haven’t they believed any of Trump’s comments about immigration? Aren’t they worried about the reproductive safety of the young women and girls in our family? Aren’t they worried about all of the other nightmares that could be headed our way?

I was surprised he didn’t argue about the change in holiday plans. Normally, it would be a bone of contention because of how close he is to his family. Somewhere inside, he must understand what this election outcome means to me. I know he has empathy for me, for which I am thankful. I will hold onto this like a life raft as I try to figure out how we move forward with our marriage.

I know he is a good man and he would do anything for a family member or friend, which makes what he has done even more infuriating and even more painful.

But I will not give thanks and hold hands in a circle with people who voted for a party that wants to take rights away from LGBTQ people. I will not pass the turkey to someone who supports people who have signaled they will cause harm to people with disabilities and the elderly. I will not sit by a Christmas tree celebrating the birth of Jesus and sipping eggnog when I know how many people may now find themselves in grave — even deadly — danger because they cannot get the reproductive care they need. I will not unwrap gifts given to me by people who voted for a party that has talked about building internment camps and mass deportation.

I will keep encouraging my friends and family to continue to hope and fight for this country. I don’t know how or when I can greet my husband in the morning with my usual hug when I wrap my arms around his strong shoulders, smell the intoxicating scent of his spicy cologne and smile, knowing we are one. We are now two, and it is agonizing. Still, I know he is a good man and he would do anything for a family member or friend, which makes what he has done even more infuriating and even more painful.

There is simply too much history and love between us to let this election tear us apart. But it will not be easy to repair the damage that has been done. It will take time, patience, and tough, radically truthful conversations. And I know that I am not the only person in this position. Too many of us have found ourselves here and are unsure of how to move forward.

On Nov. 7, I saw my husband’s post was still up. It had more comments from Americans I believe had made a huge mistake two days earlier. I wanted to tell them all that they were wrong and they had no idea of the harm they caused by making that choice — or if they did know, then they should be ashamed of themselves. I don’t know how they can live with themselves.

Instead, I got up and made my own coffee. I put our clothes in the dryer. I let the dog out. I went back upstairs and got dressed for the gym. I did more of the little everyday human things that we’re forced to keep doing, even though many of us just want to curl up in a ball and cry. But we can’t. We won’t.

When I came back downstairs, my husband was sitting in the living room with his coffee.

I stood briefly at our blue front door — the one I painted last year when I changed all the red in our house to blue. At the time, I thought it was just my obsessive need to redecorate. I didn’t know it would one day read as a protest — or a subliminal message to all who crossed the threshold.

He blew me a kiss goodbye from the living room as he sat drinking from his favorite mug, seemingly oblivious to how upset I was.

I stood at the door thinking about how I could express my hurt. I wanted to say something that would motivate him to erase his error, but I knew if my words were too demanding, or my voice was too filled with anger, it would get me nowhere.

This is a woman’s challenge. This was Kamala’s challenge. I also knew I couldn’t change what had happened — only what happens now. Only what I do now. What I refuse to accept and what I promise to keep fighting for. And to do it all with honesty and love and, yes, anger, too.

I turned to my husband and told him, “I saw that you didn’t take your post down, and that breaks my heart.”

Then I walked out the door — devastated but determined — into the blue of a new day.


TOPICS: Chit/Chat
KEYWORDS: andreatate; schadenfreude; tds; tdsinsanity
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 61-8081-100101-120 ... 201-208 next last
To: Albion Wilde

“…LGBT friends, certain that Trump is going to gleefully harm them.”

If they keep their perversions to themselves we will get along fine. If they shove it in our faces we’re likely to shove back.


81 posted on 11/14/2024 12:31:30 PM PST by JimRed (TERM LIMITS, NOW! Finish the damned WALL! TRUTH is the new HATE SPEECH! )
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 54 | View Replies]

To: simpson96

The photograph indicates that she leans to the right.

Now that’s weird


82 posted on 11/14/2024 12:32:35 PM PST by daku
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: simpson96

Run away, far far away.


83 posted on 11/14/2024 12:32:36 PM PST by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: simpson96

look no further than into those eyes and that facial expression...tells you all you need to know.


84 posted on 11/14/2024 12:32:58 PM PST by Tobias Grimsley
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: jeffersondem

No. She is incapable of reasoning especially after writing this pathetic screed of alleged journalism. Love doesn’t always conquer all. She will always see her husband as a betrayer, just as bad or even worse than if he had cheated on her.


85 posted on 11/14/2024 12:33:03 PM PST by princeofdarkness
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 25 | View Replies]

To: simpson96

If my wife had pulled this crap on me, you would have been out the door.

You think I’ll stand still while your punish my family over your hurt feelings on an election. GET OUT!!!


86 posted on 11/14/2024 12:34:20 PM PST by packrat35 (Pureblood! No clot shot for me!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: simpson96

Need space? Plenty of that between your ears.


87 posted on 11/14/2024 12:35:49 PM PST by Huskrrrr (Alinsky, you magnificent Bastard, I read your book!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: simpson96

What a spoiled brat.


88 posted on 11/14/2024 12:36:01 PM PST by truthkeeper
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Billthedrill

Like so many Leftists, she has no idea that she has made Donald Trump the most important person in her life, coloring everything she thinks and does.


89 posted on 11/14/2024 12:36:05 PM PST by JennysCool ("It's easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled." - Mark Twain)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 78 | View Replies]

To: kenmcg

90 posted on 11/14/2024 12:36:09 PM PST by BlueLancer (Orchides Forum Trahite - Cordes Et Mentes Veniant)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 38 | View Replies]

To: Tell It Right

As many of us knew all along, this divide in America cannot be solved by one election.

Although I will definitely take it. 🥳🤸


91 posted on 11/14/2024 12:36:46 PM PST by frank ballenger (There's a battle outside and it's raging. It'll soon shake your windows and rattle your walls. )
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: simpson96
Did he really understand what he and so many others in this country had done?

Non sequitur. Specify. What exactly has he done?

92 posted on 11/14/2024 12:37:04 PM PST by Bloody Sam Roberts (Perfection is impossible. But if you pursue perfection...you may achieve excellence.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: simpson96
This is as far as I got:

"I know he has empathy for me, for which I am thankful. I will hold onto this like a life raft as I try to figure out how we move forward with our marriage.

I could not imagine being married to this selfish self centered virtue signaling piece of crap.

Some men choose poorly.

The nest is empty maybe it is time for him to move on.

I do give thanks for my wife every day.

93 posted on 11/14/2024 12:38:10 PM PST by Right Brigade
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Raycpa

+1


94 posted on 11/14/2024 12:39:06 PM PST by Bloody Sam Roberts (Perfection is impossible. But if you pursue perfection...you may achieve excellence.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 14 | View Replies]

To: Right Brigade

the sissy apologized to her ...


95 posted on 11/14/2024 12:41:00 PM PST by bankwalker (Repeal the 19th ...)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 93 | View Replies]

To: Lurker

anyone who supports the murder of innocents, even up to full term... are past the point where any other life means anything to them... Their maximized self view is “afterall I am a mighty female allowed to murder at a whim even the absolutely innocent... “

none of us can murder at a whim, let alone the innocent and good hearted.

He need not get a divorce first... he needs a restraining order... she will not hesitate to murder him for the 200 dollars he has in his “emergency” account,.


96 posted on 11/14/2024 12:41:35 PM PST by MIA_eccl1212 (10-10-10-10)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 51 | View Replies]

To: simpson96

Selfish, self-absorbed, UNCARING, emotionally greedy parasite who wants to control the entire environment around her and dictate to those around her how to think and feel and express themselves.

If I were her husband, I’d seriously divorce her. I don’t care how good looking she is on the outside - the inside is dank and putrid. End the play - go our separate ways.


97 posted on 11/14/2024 12:42:12 PM PST by Gaffer
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: simpson96

the family has something else to be thankful for this thanksgiving...


98 posted on 11/14/2024 12:45:06 PM PST by heavy metal (smiling improves your face value and makes people wonder what the hell you're up to... 😁)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: simpson96

Calling half the country racist, nazi, and trash… how very “inclusive”.


99 posted on 11/14/2024 12:46:12 PM PST by GrumpyOldGuy
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: simpson96
… my artist friends …

I think I see the problem.

100 posted on 11/14/2024 12:46:28 PM PST by HIDEK6 (God bless Donald Trump)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 61-8081-100101-120 ... 201-208 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson