Posted on 10/27/2024 2:12:23 PM PDT by Az Joe
Is this Millennial generation out of their minds or what?!
I have tried hard to do my best, I've been generous. My son married a paranoid narcissist woman who suffered from pretty bad childhood abuse. Father ran out on her, stepfathers/mother's boyfriends abused her. She left home at 16 to escape it. I have offered to pay for her to get therapy.
Please be gentle, I'm doing all I can to help my grandchildren, and I worry about their mental health
Tough one..Support your son, on the sly if possible. If you are totally cut off; find some other relatives or needy families to help with the resources you would have dedicated to your confused kids. Might make you feel better...
Here is a good book on the topic:
I have a lot of experience on this topic myself having three adult estranged daughters.
I have given up on reconciliation but I continue pray for them.
My ex daughter-in-law was able to play the system and get full custody of my grandchildren and move them all the way across the country.
While she was still married to my son she made them move 12 hours away from us and when we visited she made sure that we felt totally uncomfortable but the kids loved us .
So through all the trials and tribulations I only got to see my grandchildren every other year at Christmas and when they came to visit their father for 6 weeks in the summer but we had a great relationship.
When my granddaughter was 17 and visiting in the summer she told us I’m not going back home I’m staying here. I told her that she couldn’t stay because her mother had custody but she refused to go home. I finally gave in because I figured by the time they could get it to court she would be 18.
She lived with me to her senior year in high school and through the three and a half years it took her to get through college and then she moved away.
She got married had a baby and then Covid, and said she was coming home which to her was my town.
So now it is her mother who lives across the country and doesn’t get to see her grandson very often.
Just keep in touch with them call them, text them, email them. Respect their parents even though it’s hard in the end they know who loves them and it’s hard not to love someone who loves you.
And when it gets back to the DIL, she will delight in the fact she's making others suffer. It's the world we live in now.
Oct 1st for a birthday for about 2 hours. It had been about 2 months prior before that. 10 miles away, 20 min car ride. I guess I’m lucky compared to some.
Not in my case. DIL was jealous of my relationship with my grandchildren. I’ve always been very good and loving with kids and she wanted them to love only her.
Grandkids would ask to come live with me, a single guy, when I would visit them. I’ve never told my son or her that. I’m afraid she would punish them for it.
You don’t have any stats about what you say anyway. You are just talking out your ass
Our son has been a similar situation. Not quite the abuse that your DIL endured, but our DIL has been very selfish in so many ways. Still, when she started talking divorce, we reached out to her parents. We talked for an hour and a half. The kids have two young children, and 3 year old and at the time, a newborn. It tore my son apart. He has tried so hard to please her and provide for her and the boys in every way. He has a VERY stressful job. I started saying fervent prayers to St. Jude, the saint for desperate cases that seem hopeless.
God has answered our prayers. DIL was encouraged by her mom to chill out and realize what a great guy our son is. Her attitude has really turned around. Now she’s reaching out to us on her own, usually with the kids. The D word isn’t mentioned anymore at all. She recently said that they are the happiest they’ve ever been.
I don’t know if you’re Catholic, and a lot of people don’t understand praying to saints, but it’s like asking a dear friend to help you out if they can. I absolutely believe that my desperate prayers were answered in the affirmative. I will say prayers for you and yours.
Thx. Yes, I’m Catholic, practicing. Yes, I pray every day for help.
Youngest child: Son(22). Gave him(gave all of my kids) as much as I could. the last thing was an $800 iPhone, 4 years ago. He swore up and down he would come to work with me and pay me back bit by bit... Promised he would be at work that Friday. no show... I chewed his ass in a 4 sentence text message. To this day, I have not heard from him. no responses for birthdays and holiday wishes and greetings... nothing...
Middle Child: Daughter(25) a year and a half ago I climbed on her for blowing off calls and texts... I told her, “Do that to friends, not family...” Haven't heard from her since...
Oldest Child: Daughter(28) a little over a month ago, as we worked on one of my jobs, I snapped a little at her because her end of a sheet of drywall was dragging and making me lose my balance(old man). I turned a little towards the back and said, “Pick it Up!”... well all hell broke loose!! She started into me telling me off etc etc...
Break... Now I grew up with a prick of a father!! I work for the most verbally abusive contractor assholes for years!! I still loved my father, I still espected them. I still worked for them. hated it, still do, but the bottom line is you still need the money.
She laid into me telling me how I talk down to her and i’m condescending in my tone... she said her entire 4 years in the military, no one has ever talked as bad to her, I asked if that included boot camp, and she said yes! I just laughed out loud and told her im the friggin boss on this job. you dont like it, theres the door. she walked out and havent talked to her since.
All 3 of my kids I truly feel sorry for. The ex, with her majority of child care, taught them that I do not have the right to correct them in any way, because I dont do right myself... and, her genetic trait handed down to the kids?... and they all mastered it! immediately focus on Dad's reaction to what you did and blame him for the situation!!!
I have dealt with that fo 12 years now. ever since my oldest got her drivers license. I was the bad guy, and Indian giver from the daughter, AND THE EX!!! for threatening to take her car away because she did not obey state laws for new driver curfews!! 10 PM... SMMFH...
So, after not hearing anything from 2 kids for years, and the latest mind blowing from a 28 year old adult recently got her teaching degree who cant take a little verbal snap, as she made a 1K a week, I fkng quit!! I've had it!! I spent years kissing their asses so they liked me, and in the end they chose it easier just to write me off... took me a while, but I learned and now I walk into the sunset...
Adios Kids... just ask your mom when you come home wondering what to do about your boss who yelled at you...
Huh?
Very sorry to hear this. My advice, keep in touch with your son, leave the DIL alone. Send cards, gifts, etc. for birthdays/Christmas/etc. via the US Mail.
I swear to God something has gone wrong with the generation below us. Maybe Trump’s election will change the mood in the nation.
thx
I feel for you! They are old enough and made their choices. Sad in our house. We just hope and pray for a wake up and healing.
Let it go
Get rid of your will, develop a trust.
Similar situation... the rural fire and rescue services in my county are in need of some life saving equipment.
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