Posted on 06/29/2024 5:46:26 PM PDT by Retain Mike
U.S. — As summer ramped up heading into the important home stretch to the November presidential election, an alarming new study found that 33% of Americans are dumber than a bag of hammers.
News channel CNN conducted a poll asking viewers who won last night's debate between Joe Biden and Donald Trump, with a shocking 33% of people responding that they suffer from advanced cognitive impairment, officially placing them at or beyond the stupidity of a box of rocks.
"We can confirm over one-third of the country is drooling morons," said Dr. Bradford Doran, head of the research team conducting the poll. "While it's always been suspected that a significant number of Americans were mindless idiots, no one ever suspected that there were this many of them. It's fascinating and yet terrifying at the same time."
Experts confirmed that anyone who holds the opinion that Biden performed well enough in the debate to win could only be scientifically classified as a total imbecile. "It's true," Dr. Doran confirmed. "While people are entitled to their own opinions, anyone who honestly believes Biden won the debate can be clinically classified under the technical term ‘nincompoop.'"
Though many people were shocked by the study's findings, others were not taken aback whatsoever. "You've been out in public, right?" asked an unsurprised citizen Chad Gleiser. "You can't go fill up at the gas station without running across at least a few blithering oafs. It's not surprising at all that 33% of people in this country are as sharp as bowling balls."
At publishing time, results of the study also confirmed that a majority of the 33% work within the federal government in Washington, D.C.
CNN flash poll: Most viewers say Trump won debate
https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/cnn-flash-poll-most-viewers-say-trump-won-debate/ar-BB1p5lak?ocid=BingNewsSerp
Flubbed debate turns into $27M bonanza for Biden-Harris campaign
https://www.foxnews.com/politics/biden-harris-campaign-claims-raised-27m-since-debate.amp
33%?
Isn’t that the proportion of USA mentally disordered ‘Rats registered to Vote?
Assuming the 33% are telling the truth. A Republican replying to a pollster would insist Jao Bai-din won the debate to help make the argument that the Democrats should keep him as a candidate.
A meteorologist here in Atlanta: “I’ve crunched the numbers and it has rained three out of four weekends this last month.”
An ad running on the radio today: “The PA showing Joe how to use his inhaler is a game changer.”
Yeah, we’re trying hard to be dumb as bag of hammers and that’s not even satire, sadly.
Hammers are useful. Comparing them to Biden supporters is an insult to hammers.
What kind of cereal does this guy eat for breakfast?
Lol!
Good point. That may be a micro-aggression.
Babylon Bee getting further from a claim of being fake news you can trust.
In line with a recent admission by one who has spent time with global luminaries that they are all blithering idiots.
We always said “dumber than a box of rocks”. More alliterative.
That’s a pretty low number... Shouldn’t be about 50 to 60%???
Was the study done in the halls of Congress? If so, I tend to believe the results.
It took a study for them to figure this out? That tells me that they are themselves in that 33%.
Shame on me for not noticing this is from the Babylon Bee, but then again it is very believable.
Yeah, no kidding. I was thinking that Bee was BEEing funny by halving the true number.
JAMBOG!
Alarming Study Finds 33% Of Americans Are Dumber Than A Bag Of Hammers
06/28/2024 10:09:53 AM PDT · by DFG · 16 replies
Babylon Bee ^ | 06/28/2024 | Babylon Bee
https://freerepublic.com/focus/f-bloggers/4247430/posts
I think it is more like 66%.
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