Posted on 06/04/2024 11:50:37 AM PDT by where's_the_Outrage?
Sometimes you can really mess up your life by doing something nice for someone, even a senior.
It can turn on an entitlement button and then you’re bombarded with demands and guilt tripping, like what happened to the young woman in this story.
Read it and you’ll see what I mean.
I’m 25 and live in a building with a lot of seniors.
One of my neighbors is in her late 80s.
She has pretty much been badgering me to help her do stuff and plays the guilt card if I say no.
At first I was willing to help, especially when the pandemic broke out, but picking up groceries for her and bringing her and her mail.
That quickly morphed into her trying to get me to fix her sinks, vacuum, make her dinner, wash her windows and when you say no she literally starts crying and throws a pity party.
The requests aren’t casual, but instead become a routine campaign of demands.
Whenever I got home from work she’d literally be waiting at my door to start making her demands for today and after that happened I had enough.
I told her to leave me alone a few times which worked for a few days before she’d go back at it......
When I told my grandma she called me a massive jerk as obviously this lady needs help and likes the company.
She told me to put her in that old lady’s shoes. I admit it made me feel even worse about it.
(Excerpt) Read more at msn.com ...
Why wouldn’t the daughter simply offer a few bucks.. provided she has it.
Picking up groceries once a week, bs having to drive long distances etc. seems a fair trade but daughter didn’t even offer?
I’m almost 70, in relatively ok health, a lot of excess weight though, which I can lose. I have one son, married to a woman who wishes I was dead.
I better find a female house/bed mate or its gonna be hard. I don’t think my son is that interested. His wife disrespects her father-in-law which to me is disrespecting him, but he does nothing. I believe she has narcissistic personality disorder and other “disorders”. My son has Stockholm Syndrome.
“I really wish you people would stop calling the Lockdown “covid.””
I call it “the COVID BS”. And I get some strange looks from people but most agree with me.
Ha, ha!
that people will do to us, what we let them get away with.
**********\
And that PEOPLE can be family, friends, neighbors or such.
Humans have changed along with the world.
And the wives say, “We’re comfortable with that.”
You may be going overboard here, you have 2 sons sometimes let them help you, they should want to. Set up a once a quarter “See Mom Day” where they not only can spend time with you but take care of things you may have let slip.
I visited dad at least weekly trying to help him take care of things, and was glad to do so. A main issue I had was he wouldn’t spend money (that he had) on himself, such as replacing his 150lb CRT TV with a modern flatscreen.
“The worst troubles in my life have come from helping people in need.
“In general, they are in need because they are bad people who make bad choices.”
And when it’s family, it hits even harder.
My kids do offer to help, but one lives two hours away, and comes to visit when he can, and I go visit him. My youngest will help if I ask him, but I prefer not to, because by the time he gets around to doing it, I've already done it myself. I save myself a lot of aggravation that way. I don't need to set up "see mother" visits. I see them and speak to them regularly. I'm just a very independent person who has lived alone for a very long time, and prefer it that way.
Even though the woman reimbursed us for what we spent on her food, my mom hated shopping for her, because she felt that she was being taken advantage of. At the same time, she felt guilty if she said no. It always irritated my mom that nobody in this woman's family would do anything for this lady. And this woman wouldn't even ask them to help her. She just assumed that my family would help her because we were neighbors. My mom eventually put a stop to the weekly shopping trips after she developed some health problems and decided that she needed to take a step back. Suddenly, the neighbor wasn't as friendly as she used to be. What a shock.
Back in the late-70's I was separated from my ex-husband. We were attending marriage counseling sessions together, as well as separately. He was cheating on me with some bimbo he met at work, and eventually married. Why he agreed to counseling when he was staying with her during the week, and playing house with me and the kids on the weekend is beyond me. And of course he was also lying to his girlfriend about those weekends we spent together. At one of those joint sessions, I brought up his serial cheating, and I asked him how many chances he thought he was going to get? His response was: "As many as you're willing to give."
That woke me up quickly, and I got rid of his ass in 1979. He married his bimbo, became a Jehovah's Witness, and moved out west without telling his two sons, and hasn't spoken to either of them in at least 25 years, if not longer. Doesn't even know his youngest son is a cancer survivor.
I guess I’m just old fashioned or something because to me, the proper response would be to tell her to go f### herself.
My wife offered to help an older couple at church pack to move to a smaller place. They are a cross between WWII generation save everything and light hoarders.
Long story short, it ended up being g 2-3 solid 8-10 hour days for a year and a half till everything g was settled in. My wife took it as a ministry and responsibility and they became strong friends. She honestly just enjoyed it.
But her help was never expected and it was appreciated.
Going through this now with my father.
Insists he’s fine, but has been hospitalized several times for falls and dehydration the last year. Sabotages the help we provide, makes people quit, refuses to do what’s needed to avoid ending up in a nursing home. And lies to everyone.
LOL
My sister did that when my mother died. Hadn’t spoken to my parents in years, shows up, takes the jewelry and leaves.
I can be very rude when I need to be.
One of my favorites:
“What part of ‘no’ did you not understand?”
;-)
What some people really want is to be enabled. You have to be able to discern that and back out if that’s there. They have issues but don’t want to take any steps to improve their situation. Instead they want you to carry their load so they can go on their dysfunctional way. People like that are manipulative users.
Nobody out of those 16 people could help/contribute?
When I first moved into
my latest home, I set
up tasks to fix up
the landscaping that had
been neglected.
I was mowing the front
yard one day when I
noticed the neighbors
yard across the street,
overgrown.
I finished mowing mine
and scooted across the
street, and mowed hers.
I didn’t mine as it
only took a few minutes.
After three times
of doing this, she met me
on her front porch with a
$100 dollar bill in her
hand, offering to pay
for the three times I
mowed her front yard.
She was 83 years old, and
full of grace. She had tears
in her eyes, and couldn’t
believe there were neighbors
out there that still believed
in helping your neighbors
in time of need.
I never accepted her offer
of payment.
Therein lies the difference.
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