I was the polar opposite; I was the mean mom.
After the birth of my third child (big age gap between the first two and the third), my older two started fighting constantly. I know they were doing it for attention. We were still tackling a mountain of medical debt and I was working a lot. We tried everything: time outs, talks, spanks, revoking privileges...for two years, nothing worked.
Christmas of 2010, I decided enough was enough. After conferring with my husband, we sat the kids down after Thanksgiving and warned them that they were on the naughty list (ages 9, 7, and 2). If they kept misbehaving, picking on the baby, and fighting, there would be nothing under the tree. (They had already peaked into my master closet and saw the bags of toys and gifts, so they thought I was bluffing).
December 15th, I warned them they were still on the naughty list.
Christmas Eve, we sat them down again to let them know there would not be anything under the tree. That night, my husband and I moved the packages to the attic.
Christmas morning was usually a flurry of activity, with wrapping paper flying, boxes torn open, mommy making a big breakfast on very little sleep because I was up wrapping after midnight, and daddy taking pictures and finding batteries.
That Christmas, it was dead quiet.
There was nothing under the tree.
The kids let us sleep in. We finally got up, made breakfast, chose the movie we wanted to see, did dinner, and went to church.
They behaved like angels.
They kept behaving like angels that whole week. They played nice with each other, helped each other, picked up their toys when asked, and didn’t fight.
For several days, my little one would come to me daily and ask, “Mommy, is it Christmas, yet?”
It broke my heart but not my resolve. My husband was the one to finally give in. “I think we’ve made our point.”
New Year’s Eve, we put the presents under the tree while the kids were asleep.
They never forgot that lesson, but the bad behaviors started creeping back over the summer. The following year, we gave them the same warning, but this time my husband and I decided we would actually return everything we bought.
They were on their best behavior for the entire month.
They all grew up into fine young people; hardworking, smart, considerate, helpful, and close. They don’t drink, smoke, do drugs, and have never been in trouble with the law.
It truly helped that my husband and I were aligned in setting boundaries and consequences. I think this young lady was used to tromping all over boundaries and never faced consequences.
Better that there are ramifications over something stupid and small than something big and unforgivable.
If only more parents would make the same calls you did.
Last Christmas our oldest wanted 3 expansion packs for a game. That was the list.
A few days before Christmas we got awful behavior. I told her the expansions would start disappearing and not showing up Christmas morning on her computer.
Bad behavior continued.
Christmas morning comes they fire up their game expecting 3 expansions…. There are only two.
The sad pause of realizing they weren’t getting all they wanted because of their decisions is great video.
Good for you!
In my view, my job as a parent was to prepare my children for the real world.
That was the basis for every parenting decision - loving encouragement for positive behavior, tough love for negative behavior. But they always knew where they stood with me. I insisted on telling the truth, both ways.
My wife learned to help with the tough love part, although it was very difficult for her.
Fortunately, all my children are successfully independent, happy, and love us. We gave them roots and wings.
Letting children do whatever they want is not a good way to prepare them. The world will teach them the hard way. They will experience some pretty harsh lessons.
Weak parents shirk their responsibilities.