Yep. My wife and I raised four daughters. And I have people ask, “Did you treat them all the same?” Of course, to their shock, my answer is always, “NO! I didn’t have four of the same daughters.”
You have to figure out each child, who they are, how they function, what’s their inspiration, etc. For example, my oldest was a very good A-B student. My second daughter was a STRAIGHT-A student (she took the SATs in the 7th grade and scored in the top 20% of graduating seniors). My third daughter was a strong B-C student; she didn’t care for school or studying, it showed. My fourth daughter was a strong A-B student. All four graduated high school, on time.
I could ground one by sending her to her room (can’t go outside); she would be devastated. Then I had another that I would ground by sending her outside (without her books); she would be distraught!
At our house, we had two hard-set rules: 1) If one parent gives you an answer, do NOT ask the other parent for an answer...you have your answer, now you are asking for a whoopin’ (we didn’t want our girls playing us against one another), and 2) Complete the tasks you are given, or there will be consequences (we all had duties around the house and everyone contributed - you don’t wash dishes Momma can’t cook, so don’t complain of PBJ-night three times this week...this was YOUR fault).
Your entire post about how you raised your kids was so excellent. I particularly like the above rule. I think it has probably saved many marriages. Kids may think it's not "fair," but they would think two households, joint custody and continual custody fights are a whole lot worse.
There's a calmly-administered "whoopin'" for the sake of discipline, which I think is acceptable in small doses for major infractions like running into a busy street without looking or gross disrespect to elders; and then there's striking out in rage over relatively minor offenses, running after a kid screaming and threatening, paddle in hand, terrorizing them. This I do not condone, having experienced it.
My mother was an Irish-tempered terror, but my dear dad had been orphaned, and he stayed there for us, regardless. He acquiesed her child rearing decisions, including frequent flights off the handle, until we were out of the house. When we were adults he let his feelings be known, and quietly defended us, especially the grandchildren, from the constant shaming and criticisms. Gotta give my mother credit for having been a better grandmother, and not hitting the grands like my brothers and I were hit. I think she knew I would have decked her if she struck my kid in anger, and I'm a woman.
When it was my turn to discipline children, I explainied the principles involved in very simple language, calmly warned about consequences, and always followed through. When they were old enough ( but not yet having a phone or car to be taken away) and did something pretty serious, they had to write a one-pager about how that behavior violated any the Ten Commandments, and we would talk about it. Only had to do that a few times. I always let them know that parents have to answer to a higher power, too; not just kids.