63% of divorcees say this is the No. 1 thing that would have saved their marriage—and it's not more money

MSN ^ | August 17, 2023 | Aditi Shrikant

[DoodleBob]

There are many reasons people choose to file for divorce: lack of family support, infidelity, and compatibility are the top three, according to a survey by Forbes Advisor which polled 1,000 Americans who are divorced or currently getting a divorce.

But, almost all of those surveyed believe their union could have been saved by one factor or another. In fact, only 5% of respondents said they don't think anything could have fixed their partnership.

Here are the top five factors that divorcees believe could have saved their -A better understanding of the commitment of marriage prior to marrying

-A better understanding of the values and morals of their partner prior to marrying

-Waiting longer to start a family

-Seeking professional help from a therapist or couples counselor

-Waiting longer to get married

Of those surveyed, 63% said a better understanding of the commitment of marriage prior to marrying could have saved their partnership. Perhaps related, 34% of respondents said that their marriage ended due to infidelity.

More than half, 56%, of respondents said a better understanding of the values and morals of their partner might have helped them avoid divorce.

And 44% said waiting to start a family might have saved their marriage. Children seem to be a pain point for many couples with 43% of divorcees say parenting differences were a large source of conflict for them and their partner, along with division of household labor

[DoodleBob]

Lemme see…

…I guess they’re saying that prior to 1930 - ya know, when everyone was ignorant - married folks had a better understanding of the values and morals of their partner prior to marrying, waited longer to start a family (NOT), sought professional help from a therapist or couples counselor (NOT), and waited longer to get married (NOT).

Or maybe, divorcés simply don’t view divorce and/or remarriage as a mortal sin and a violation of the Commandments. THE greatest destroyer of the family and society is divorce. To wit

You want to turn around the nation? Don’t dump your spouse and put the kids and God before your selfishness.

[fhayek]

-Seeking professional help from a therapist or couples counselor

Oh, dear God...

[DoodleBob]

Like I said, there wasn’t that kind of nonsense prior to 1930, yet the divorce rate was much lower.

[ConservativeInPA]

My reason: being too stupid to know that when she became her mother’s age she would turn into her mother.

[DoodleBob]

Buuuuuut that transformation has been happening since the Old Testament.

[DIRTYSECRET]

It’s the man-juice.

[DiogenesLamp]

All the divorces in 1945 were probably men coming back from the war and finding out their women had left them for other men.

1960s was the beginning of the free love movement and state sponsored welfare, which made husbands unnecessary.

[mewzilla]

Hubby’s church required premarital counseling before couple could be married in the church.

We actually had two ministers doing it because our wedding was going to be the new minister’s first official duty.

Took place for an hour every Sunday for six weeks before the wedding.

We weren’t keen on it at the time, but looking back on it, it was a very wise decision.

And what we learned we’ve put to good use over the years.

I heartily recommend it.

[Jonty30]

It takes about 6 months for somebody’s character to be shown, because they are often on their best behaviour during that time.

It’s also why they don’t recommend having sex for the time you are getting to know them.

[Gene Eric]

The deferral of children... that should help to lower the population.

[DoodleBob]

Ministers.

That’s the key word.

Therapists address the symptoms.

Religious folks tackle the root causes. And, ideally, don’t say “and if this all doesn’t work, you can always get a divorce.” Or, you’ll go to hell if you dump each other.

Everyone who wants to travel to Mars understands it’s a one-way ticket.

If engaged folks were schooled in the same manner, and if divorce was not even negotiable, things would be a LOT different.

[fireman15]

The divorce rate continued to fall after 2011 as well. My guess is that this is because the marriage rate is down and the age people first get married has continued to go up.

[fireman15]

My wife and I have been married for 34 years. She had lots of baggage and we did almost everything bassackwards, but we were and still are very attracted to each other and our marriage is going strong. I think that the most important thing is to have common interests and values and to take an interest in what is important to your spouse even if the activity would not be your first choice.

[GulliverSwift]

Wicked people tearing apart families, just like Jesus warned would happen in the last days.

Of course the poll did not offer a pastoral advice option for people to choose.

America has mostly become a secular and communist society outside of the humble rural areas.

[mewzilla]

Don’t get me started on the evils of no-fault divorce.

[DoodleBob]

There is also a seasoning effect.

I’d like to see how this hazard raye changed over year.

[CodeToad]

“Seeking professional help from a therapist or couples counselor”

If you need someone else’s opinion on how to act, you are not mature enough for marriage.

[MayflowerMadam]

My dad was a minister.
My uncles were ministers.
Some cousins are ministers and missionaries.
Friends from seminary are ministers.

The last person I would go to for marital or family counseling is a minister.

Being embedded in the environment is like watching sausage being made. You’ve got TMI and intimately know the people and how they live their lives 24/7.

I’m wary of any trained therapists, Christian or otherwise. Make the therapy between you and God, mixed in with a little practical advice from, and brainstorming with, people you trust.

[MinorityRepublican]

The divorce rate continued to fall after 2011 as well. My guess is that this is because the marriage rate is down

It doesn't mean much because many people are no longer getting married today so naturally the divorce rate is down.

[MinorityRepublican]

The last person I would go to for marital or family counseling is a minister.

It's a waste of time unless he's old school. He should tell the guy to provide for his wife. And that she's expected to raise a family. That'll work the best.

But we're not following that script so there's no point in marriage if you're not doing that.