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What a Sex and Dating Memoir Reveals About Men and Abortion When a classic "pro-choice" response is really coercion.
Subtrack.com ^ | June 10, 2023 | Sarah Terzo

Posted on 07/06/2023 6:54:38 AM PDT by Morgana

Earlier this year, an anonymous author published a book called Memoir of a Divorced Man: Lost Innocence, Love, Sex, and Dating in the 1980s.

The author’s story reveals a great deal about men and abortion, abortion coercion, and a partner’s role in abortion decisions.

Encounter in a Hotel Room

The author’s first personal encounter with abortion took place in a motel room with a woman he calls Barb. He and Barb met at a bar. It was New Year’s Eve. The author wasn’t looking for a relationship. It was a one-night stand.

As they were in bed together, kissing and cuddling, Barb pulled away. With tears in her eyes, she told him she couldn’t have sex with him. He asked her why, and she was reluctant to answer. But she was clearly very upset and troubled.

Trying to lighten the mood, he jokingly asked her if she was married. It wasn’t that, she said.

But she still wouldn’t tell him what was wrong. Finally, he asked her if she wanted to leave. She said she wanted to stay, but that she couldn’t bring herself to have sex because he was the first man she’d been with since her abortion. “I’m so confused,” she said.

A Woman Wounded by Abortion

The author told Barb that it was okay – there were things they could do together in bed other than actual intercourse.

He says, “I must have said the right words. Barb pulled me even closer… I again buried my face in those magnificent tits…”

Although he describes feeling a “soft tenderness” for her, after that night, he never saw Barb again.

At the end of the chapter, the author gives this advice to other men: “I have found that many girls will take their clothes off and engage in heavy petting if you assure them that you won’t go all the way.”

He was, therefore, satisfied with the encounter.

An Unplanned Pregnancy

After that, the author was dating a woman he calls Wanda.

Wanda was initially reluctant to sleep with him. He says that “To Wanda, making love was just that, making love. She couldn’t understand the recreational aspects of having sex.”

According to the author, Wanda had been following a path of “spiritual celibacy” when he met her. He talked her into a sexual relationship, telling her, “To deny our sexuality is to deny that we are human. Sex is the celebration of life.”

These words became ironic when she discovered she was pregnant.

A Textbook “Pro-Choice” Response

Wanda told the author about her pregnancy over the phone. He asked her, “What do you want to do?” and she responded by asking him what he wanted.

The author says:

What does she mean? It’s not my choice. Then thunder claps, and I know that it is. I also know that I must answer quickly, leaving no pause for her to doubt my decision.

“I’ll support your decision, either way,” I say, which tells her that I’m not ready to be a father, and that I can live with an abortion.

“There really isn’t any other choice,” she says, and I hear her sigh.

Is that disappointment in her voice?

By pro-choice standards, his response was perfect. “I’ll support your decision either way,” is the ideal “pro-choice” response. It is exactly how the pro-choice movement teaches men to respond to abortion.

His answer is exactly what the pro-choice movement tells men to say.

However, both partners knew what “I’ll support your decision either way” really meant. The author had absolutely no doubt what he was saying. He was saying that abortion was what he wanted.

The decision was not being made by Wanda – it was being made by him.

He was telling her he wouldn’t take responsibility for the pregnancy, didn’t want the baby, and wouldn’t stand by her to raise the child. That was the unspoken message beneath the “correct,” pro-choice words.

This is a case where “it’s your choice” actually meant “it’s your problem.” There is no support coming. There is no encouragement to have the baby. The author will not be there for her and doesn’t care about her and his child.

Rationalizing an Abortion

Wanda believed she was pregnant with a human being but excused an abortion through her spiritual beliefs. Her baby wasn’t really dying—her child would reincarnate and come back into the world in the future.

In this way, she uses an unproven, religious teaching to rationalize taking life away from another human being and forever denying them a future.

She convinces herself (and attempts to convince the author) that experiencing an abortion will lead to spiritual growth:

To Wanda, the “Life Being” that we had shared in creating was not meant to enter this world. When its time was right, it would live, but its time was not right.

To her, the experience, for us, was one that would help us grow, an experience that we needed in order to progress in the continual process of learning and striving for perfection. The pain that we felt was a necessary part of this growth process.

I read about the idea that the baby’s soul will return in a later pregnancy in a book recommending “psychic abortions.” None other than abortionist Leah Torres recommended the book—she of “fetuses can’t scream because I cut their cords first” fame. I wrote an article about it here.

The author says he didn’t believe in the humanity of his child:

The decision made by Wanda and me was not a decision about a third life, but, instead, a decision about our own lives.

Just as an appendix is extricated if it becomes destructive to one’s existence, so this ‘new organ’ should be removed if it becomes destructive to the lives that support it.

He admits that this may be how he tried to justify “what I really couldn’t understand.”

He also contradicts himself by saying, “For the past 9 weeks, Wanda had carried my baby. We had shared in the creation of a life, a life that was a beautiful part of both of us, but that would not grow beyond what it was.”

The Painful Aftermath

As for his statement that sex is a celebration of life, the author says, “Those words still hang like a rotting piece of meat in the deepest corner of my mind.”

At home after the abortion, the author watches Wanda break down in tears. He describes, “her face twisting and her body shaking” as she cried. At this point, the author knows that their relationship is over.

The author tells the reader, and by extension, himself, “She’ll be all right… We have made the right decision.”

We don’t know what happened to Wanda—the author left her, and they never kept in touch. At least, he never mentions her again. Apparently, she was left to cope with the abortion on her own.

An Expert at Picking up Women

The author goes on to describe picking up more women in bars. He describes lying about himself to women to get them to sleep with him. He gives advice to men about pickup lines and ways to talk to women in bars and nightclubs to be certain of sex.

At the end of the book, the author mentions that he’s now married, but says nothing about his wife or their relationship. Perhaps his perspective today is different.

Source: Anonymous Memoir of a Divorced Man: Lost Innocence, Love, Sex, and Dating in the 1980s (2023) Kindle edition, 71, 70, 73


TOPICS: Miscellaneous; Society
KEYWORDS: abortion; costofchoice; forcedabortion; forcedabortions; prolife
So sad
1 posted on 07/06/2023 6:54:38 AM PDT by Morgana
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To: Morgana

Irresponsible men love abortion.


2 posted on 07/06/2023 6:59:34 AM PDT by bimboeruption (Trump = The best President since Washington. )
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To: Morgana

At home after the abortion, the author watches Wanda break down in tears. He describes, “her face twisting and her body shaking” as she cried. At this point, the author knows that their relationship is over.


I’ve heard this often happens , that the aftermath of an abortion often pulls couples apart, and the relationship is hurt by the abortion.


3 posted on 07/06/2023 7:11:19 AM PDT by Dilbert San Diego
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To: bimboeruption

Irresponsible men and irresponsible women love abortion.


4 posted on 07/06/2023 7:12:21 AM PDT by drSteve78 (Je suis Deplorable. Even more so.)
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To: Morgana

Yes, very sad.


5 posted on 07/06/2023 7:12:24 AM PDT by No name given (Anonymous is who you’ll know me as)
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To: Morgana

Anything to blame their decision on someone else. Top level rationalization here.


6 posted on 07/06/2023 7:21:28 AM PDT by Secret Agent Man (Gone Galt; not averse to Going Bronson.)
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To: Morgana

Leykis 101.

It’s called the “hail Mary” approach to having your impregnated host get an abortion. He did entire shows dedicated to it.


7 posted on 07/06/2023 7:30:48 AM PDT by Organic Panic (Democrats. Memories as short as Joe Biden's eyes)
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To: Secret Agent Man

This is core to MANY conversations where decisions can be made.

“What would you like for dinner?” “Oh, anything, I’m good with whatever.”

This answer seems like it’s enlightened and will avoid conflict. Even the respondent will feel quite good with it. But what it really does is place the blame on a possible disappointing outcome on someone else.

And it works both ways. I’m currently waiting for my mom to get her new eyeglasses. She asks me what I think of each frame. It’s easy enough to give that answer, but more harm is being done than good.

If she doesn’t like the glasses after a bit, she’ll have a scapegoat. She’s removed her fault for the decision.

People ask the question to remove their potential blame for a potential bad outcome. People answer for the same reason.

When it comes to abortion, these animals are having calm discussion where they pretend to apply reason and wisdom in KILLING AN INNOCENT HUMAN BEING.

And thus, all of what I said goes away. But the cowardice demonstrated in this conversation remains.


8 posted on 07/06/2023 7:36:18 AM PDT by Celerity
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To: Morgana

Vomit inducing.


9 posted on 07/06/2023 7:36:52 AM PDT by Reddy (BO stinks)
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To: Morgana

Morgana my dear FRiend I am so flawed. I am a sinner.
I was interested in certain ideas about freedom.
In college I wanted to know what abortion was, so I saw one.
I was working in telemedicine so I saw a D and E.
I was interested in William F Buckley.
My friend Kenny Bunk told me to join FR.
I learned about friends like you.
I met a girl. I didn’t really love her at the time,
whatever that means.
She got pregnant.
I knew the truth, from FR and all I had seen.
I hornswoggled her into marrying me.
I turned away from this sadness and into LIFE,
thanks to people like you,
and I bless and thank you
and some hard-to-find connection with our LORD,
and some hard-to keep connection with righteousness,
but mostly, YOU, and friends,
my “influencers,”
for my son and daughter.


10 posted on 07/06/2023 7:39:10 AM PDT by golux
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To: Morgana

I’ve been arguing for years that abortion ONLY benefits men.

Women becoming whores for the benefit of men because there’s always abortion.

Women not insisting on marriage for the benefit of men because there’s always abortion.

Women being convinced that sex as a recreational activity somehow empowers women for the benefit of men because there’s always abortion.

Women committing murder of their own child within their own body for the benefit of men because abortion.

Women enduring a lifetime of heartbreak, shame, and regret for the benefit of men because there’s always abortion.

I’ve been arguing this this for years - in the last week I’ve finally seen 2 published articles sort of admitting the same thing.


11 posted on 07/06/2023 7:43:01 AM PDT by CaptainPhilFan ( Bring back insane asylums)
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To: Morgana

We all will stand in judgement after the end of out time on earth. I have heard it said that we will feel the same pain caused to the victims of our sins. I was single through the 80’s. I never had this same support you either way conversation, but I have many sins to pray for forgiveness over.


12 posted on 07/06/2023 7:50:23 AM PDT by frithguild (The warmth and goodness of Gaia is a nuclear reactor in the Earth's core that burns Thorium)
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To: Organic Panic

That’s, ah, pretty blasphemous right there.


13 posted on 07/06/2023 8:17:03 AM PDT by Campion (Everything is a grace, everything is the direct effect of our Father's love - Little Flower)
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To: Morgana

Normal men (meaning not perverts) typically support abortion because of child support.And,I guess,because it improves their chances of getting lucky on a Saturday night.


14 posted on 07/06/2023 8:19:26 AM PDT by Gay State Conservative (Two Words: BANANA REPUBLIC!)
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To: Morgana

In 1968, the Pope promulgated Humanae Vitae (Human Life). In it, he said that the acxwptance of the use of *artificial* forms of birth control would change society. He predicted that this would lead to a resulting acceptance of abortion.


15 posted on 07/06/2023 8:48:35 AM PDT by Chicory
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To: Campion

“”That’s, ah, pretty blasphemous right there.””

Yes it is. But that’s why the abortionistas don’t want the truth about the practice. The lie is sold as “women’s healthcare” (sorry, “birthing person”). Not as a last second birth control method to kill the baby for convenience of manipulative men. (Sorry, “persons who produce sperm” so as not to offend the mentally ill transcultists...)

https://youtu.be/AMWb-BkG8Q4


16 posted on 07/06/2023 9:28:34 AM PDT by Organic Panic (Democrats. Memories as short as Joe Biden's eyes)
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To: golux

God bless you and your testimony, golux.


17 posted on 07/06/2023 4:15:15 PM PDT by Albion Wilde (“There is no good government at all & none possible.”--Mark Twain)
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To: golux

Morgana my dear FRiend I am so flawed. I am a sinner.

As we all are, however, you are so blessed. 🙏🙏🙏


18 posted on 07/06/2023 4:36:17 PM PDT by drSteve78 (Je suis Deplorable. Even more so.)
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To: golux
My Daughter who was raised in the Faith of my Fathers [Irish Roman Catholic] came to my wife and I [8 years ago] and told us she was pregnant and was going to have the baby but did not know the father, I hugged her and said “you are doing the right thing”. All I can say now is that Child is the best thing that ever happened to my family she is a shining star and has drawn my daughter and us closer together , I can't imagine being without my Grand Daughter she is the light of our life.
19 posted on 07/06/2023 5:13:35 PM PDT by ABN 505 (Right is right if nobody is right, and wrong is wrong if everybody is wrong. ~Archbishop Fulton John)
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To: Secret Agent Man; Morgana

All pro-abortion women say that men are responsible for OPPOSITION to abortion.

Some pro-life women say that men are responsible for SUPPORT of abortion.

Both groups blame men for the thing that their group doesn’t want and divest women of moral culpability for their own actions.

According to all pro-abortion women, women who abort are not morally culpable for doing anything wrong, because according to them, there is nothing wrong with abortion in the first place.

According to some pro-life women, women who abort are not morally culpable for doing anything wrong, because although abortion is wrong, the women simply must have been made to do it by some big bad men.


20 posted on 07/06/2023 5:27:54 PM PDT by Arcadian Empire (The Baric-Daszak-Fauci spike protein, by itself, is deadly.)
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