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Friday Night Joke Thread
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| June 16, 2023
| ConservativeInPA
Posted on 06/16/2023 3:21:14 PM PDT by ConservativeInPA
It’s Friday and folks need some comic relief. Tell a joke or two and chitchat a bit.
TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Humor
KEYWORDS: tgif
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To: 1of10
61
posted on
06/16/2023 7:56:31 PM PDT
by
immadashell
(Save Innocent Lives: Ban Gun Free Zones)
To: ConservativeInPA
A mobster discovers that his deaf accountant has cheated him out of 10 million bucks.
He confronts him, bringing along an interpreter.
“Ask him where the money is,” the mobster says.
The interpreter does so, and the accountant signs back, “What are you talking about?”
The interpreter tells the godfather, “He says he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.”
The mobster puts a pistol to the accountant’s head. “Ask him again!”
The interpreter signs, “He’ll kill you if you don’t tell him!”
“Okay, okay!” the accountant signs back. “The money is buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo’s backyard!”
“What’d he say?” asks the don.
“He says that you don’t have the balls to pull the trigger.”
62
posted on
06/16/2023 8:09:40 PM PDT
by
stylin19a
(Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?)
To: ConservativeInPA
A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she’ll see him later, and walks away.
His wife glares at him and says, Who was that?!
Oh, replies the husband, That was my mistress.
The wife says, That’s it; I want a divorce.
I understand, replies her husband, but, remember our pre-nup, if you get a divorce, there will be no more shopping trips to Paris, no wintering in the Caribbean, no Lexus in the garage, and no more country club. But the decision is yours.
Just then the wife notices a mutual friend entering the restaurant with a gorgeous woman. Who’s that woman with Jim? she asks.
That’s his mistress, replies her husband.
Ours is prettier, says the wife.
63
posted on
06/16/2023 8:14:39 PM PDT
by
stylin19a
(Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?)
To: ConservativeInPA
A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best b$tch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day".
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson.
"And you, Susie? " the teacher asks.
Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's b$tch.
64
posted on
06/16/2023 8:16:28 PM PDT
by
stylin19a
(Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?)
To: ConservativeInPA
the man and wife in bed, and she, feeling feisty, says, “Hurt me!”
...so he straightens up, looks her in the eyes, and says, “Your sister has a nicer house than you do.”
65
posted on
06/16/2023 8:18:38 PM PDT
by
stylin19a
(Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?)
To: ConservativeInPA
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our forthcoming anniversary.
She said, “I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 225 in about 2 seconds.”
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And that’s how the fight started.
66
posted on
06/16/2023 8:20:19 PM PDT
by
stylin19a
(Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe. -- Lee Trevino)
To: ConservativeInPA
Wife had a bag of used clothes she wanted to donate to poor starving people.
I asked “who could use these clothes”?
And that’s how the fight started.
67
posted on
06/16/2023 8:21:02 PM PDT
by
stylin19a
(Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe. -- Lee Trevino)
To: ConservativeInPA
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And that's how the fight started.
68
posted on
06/16/2023 8:21:52 PM PDT
by
stylin19a
(Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe. -- Lee Trevino)
To: 1of10
69
posted on
06/16/2023 8:22:38 PM PDT
by
pax_et_bonum
(“Killer rabbit jokes have a long tradition in medieval literature.“ - Dr. James Wade)
To: ConservativeInPA
My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?”
“No”, she answered
I then said, “Is that your final answer?”
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, “Yes.”
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's how the fight started..
70
posted on
06/16/2023 8:22:58 PM PDT
by
stylin19a
(Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe. -- Lee Trevino)
To: ConservativeInPA
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's when the fight started..
71
posted on
06/16/2023 8:23:48 PM PDT
by
stylin19a
(Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe. -- Lee Trevino)
To: ConservativeInPA
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment."
I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
And that's how fight started.
72
posted on
06/16/2023 8:25:19 PM PDT
by
stylin19a
(Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe. -- Lee Trevino)
To: ConservativeInPA
Joe and his wife are standing in line at the bank.
The guy in front of them puts on a mask and robs the bank.
The mask falls off, the teller sees his face so robber shoots the teller dead.
Robber puts the mask back on and turns around to Joe and asks: "Did you see my face ?"
Joe replies no and nods towards his wife...but she did.
73
posted on
06/16/2023 8:26:39 PM PDT
by
stylin19a
(Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe. -- Lee Trevino)
To: ConservativeInPA
After the Ark landed and the animals had disembarked Noah decided to walk around it and check out how well it had fared after a year at sea. He finds two snakes are still aboard.
“Why are you still here? Didn’t I tell you to Go Forth and Multiply?”
“We can’t, we’re adders.”
74
posted on
06/16/2023 8:49:04 PM PDT
by
Clay Moore
(My pistol identifies as a cordless hole punch)
To: ConservativeInPA
Back during all the covid nonsense I caused a run on toilet paper at the big box store. I coughed and 37 leftists pooped in their pants.
To: bethelgrad
“not something you can say with a straight face”
popped me with that one ...
I have to admit I skipped a beat , just unexpected
i feel kinda bad .. thinking that's so funny ... but it is
reminds of my mother saying don't make that face ..
it'll stick that way
76
posted on
06/17/2023 12:42:31 AM PDT
by
1of10
(be vigilant , be strong, be safe, be 1 of 10 .)
To: 1of10
1of10, your last post was at 2:42:31 AM. What a shame. I was hoping you’d stick around a little longer.
To: llevrok
You can lead a horticulture
but you can’t make her think.
78
posted on
06/17/2023 11:50:20 AM PDT
by
Albion Wilde
(“There is no good government at all & none possible.”--Mark Twain)
To: CFW
The inventor of the USB stick has died...LOL- hilarious!
79
posted on
06/17/2023 11:51:07 AM PDT
by
Albion Wilde
(“There is no good government at all & none possible.”--Mark Twain)
To: sodpoodle
80
posted on
06/17/2023 12:07:32 PM PDT
by
Albion Wilde
(“There is no good government at all & none possible.”--Mark Twain)
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