Both hands injured/bruised.
Concussion.
It don’t take Hercule Poirot to figger what went on there.
So the Turdle has a concussion. We know the protocol. Call in the Buffalo Bills Quack to check him out. Notify the chicoms he’ll be out for awhile but will back on the field before the season is over.. Deny he got the clotshots. Then check him in to the Fetterwoman wing of the closest basement. Send him a copy of stair climbing instructions co-authored by Hilliary and Bidum. And, oh, by the way, keep the Uke kickbacks coming.