Posted on 02/11/2023 2:05:58 AM PST by where's_the_Outrage?
A 20-year-old young woman who dropped out of college decided to return to school after a year of working in her boyfriend’s family’s restaurant business. For the sake of her story, we’ll call her Jane.
Jane’s parents had set aside 30,000 dollars in a college tuition account for her. But instead, her parents used the money to remodel their kitchen after Jane moved in with her boyfriend, despite her parent’s advice not to.
When Jane realized what her parents had done, she was shocked and angry. She asked for access to her college tuition account. Still, her parents refused, citing their previous conversation where they explicitly stated that they would use the money for something else if she dropped out of college.
Jane’s parents advised her to attend a cheaper college or work part-time while attending school to help pay for her tuition. Additionally, her mother has offered to help her financially.
Still, the father is hesitant as they are approaching retirement age and a little behind on their retirement goals. The father has also offered to let Jane stay at their house for free so she can focus on paying for college.
However, Jane has been ignoring her mother’s phone calls, and the father is now questioning if he is the jerk in the situation. Here is how the internet responded to his concern.
It’s a Costly Lesson
“This situation is harsh on your daughter, but you’re not the jerk,” one explained. “She decided to drop out, and with that came you telling her that you’d use the remaining college fund money for something else.
I also presume that at the time of her dropping out, she presented her decision as permanent since she said that college wasn’t for her, meaning that you don’t know how long Jane would’ve taken to return to college if she had gone back at all.
‘But I thought you were bluffing’ is an inadequate response. You don’t get to use that line when making a life-changing decision and are given conditions by the people financing you. She just learned a costly lesson.” Another agreed, “That was a gift, and she didn’t use it, and her way of responding to the situation shows how ungrateful she is.”
You’re the Jerk
“You spent all 30k on a kitchen remodel? That’s not a retirement goal; she only took a year off. Have you spent all of it already? You’re the jerk for not having the foresight or consideration that she might regret the boyfriend thing and spending the money that quickly.
Many kids make mistakes during college, mainly because it was just a year off. You didn’t need to jump to use that money. I get she made a choice and the mistake over a boy, but you could have been a safety net for her.
Parents are supposed to account for the fact that kids make stupid mistakes and choices. But instead, you took it as an opportunity to make sure she couldn’t bounce back quickly over something cosmetic and superficial, and you did it quickly. Which is gross.”
Not Compassionate
“You’re the jerk. You saved for your daughter’s education for 18 years, yet you didn’t hesitate to put the money to other uses the moment she diverted from a traditional education path. If you genuinely meant the money for her education, you could have held it for her in case she returned to school.
I don't even trust the dollars and digits that I've earned to be there for long.
God, gold, guns, ground and good girl are all you should trust.
Of course it depends, but there’s nothing to indicate that the kitchen remodel affected the house price significantly. The market price of my house has increased similarly, and we’ve done nothing to it.
Yes, they are. Few home improvements are considered to “pay back” in terms of an increased sale price other than very basic ones such as fresh paint or replacing damaged fixtures.
Owners should do a major remodeling project because it’s what they want, not because it’s what a potential future owner would want. Fashions in household design change so fast that everything is “dated” almost immediately.
Several freepers took this tack. It is not warranted on what we have been told. The decision to remodel the kitchen was theirs. It may well be that they could afford it and leave the retirement OK long term. There are always unexpected expenses in construction and the Father may feel that they should conserve funds for a year or two to get back on track.
The daughter is so out of luck. That’s what comes with expecting to get carried through life and ignoring what she was told pre dropout.
To the freepers that think the parents should continue to put their daughter’s possible return to college above their own comfort & needs I have to question if they have kids? There is a balance and having raised kids to college age, helped with college once, the parents are entitled to use the money they earned for their own needs & pleasures, especially after advising the daughter that they would do just that. This may be the salvation of this selfish girl.
My wife and I completely remodeled a kitchen and a bathroom for less than half of what they spent. Mainly because we didn’t hire anyone to do it, except to lay flooring and hook up the gas for the range. We did all the rest ourselves. It took time but it was worth it.
And those are the quotes, not the final price.
Perfectly fair.
You said it hoosierham!
I bought a house in an area without nosy inspectors and neighbors. In fact they were all very grateful I was not a wannabe landlord. All the neighbors were past 70 and had feared a large family, renting, with kids, pets and parties.
Did nearly all the restoration with my two little hands, tore up rotten carpeting and linoleum and the 100-year-old floors under there were beautiful wood. Sand the glue and crud, stain it, poly. Gun a few layers of paint off the original cabinets, sell the old plumbing.
Some few things call for a pro. Electric, roof, plumbing. For those, my own labor would have cost me a fortune because I’d have botched it horribly. You call for labor and pay gladly for their expertise.
But sweat nearly always saves $$$.
Exactly.
The mom and dad invested THEIR money into their existing investment....their home.
I’d say that is a great investment, in THEIR retirement plan.
“Few home improvements are considered to “pay back” in terms of an increased sale price other than very basic ones”
Then the only real up-sides would be that improvements, although not adding huge value, would make the property more presentable for resale. (First impressions are strong and are hard to turn around.) Also, better for owners to live in if not selling.
Both are important, I guess.
Interesting.
An interior (and, most exterior) remodel, here (in TX) isn’t even known, by the taxman. For now, anyway.
Is an interior remodel turned in, to the NY taxing authority, via permits, or something?
Does all labor have to be union?
Just curious.
A kitchen remodel increases the value of the house and the home equity is available for sale if downsizing, reverse mortgage or equity lines, sale if going to assisted living. Most of the value remains.
“...so maybe they’d expect 70% ROI...”
Dad is not the jerk. It’s his money.
And Mom is only enabling the daughter’s bad decisions at this point.
Unless daughter is getting a technical degree likely to result in a job paying enough to reimburse any loans (including the parents’), the kitchen is probably the better investment.
At least it would go into the cost basis of the house.
However, Jane has been ignoring her mother’s phone calls, and the father is now questioning if he is the jerk in the situation. When my kids ignored my calls, I turned off the cell service I was paying for. Once the service stopped, I would immediately receive a call or text from an unknown number reporting the outage. I would reply, ”This phone is for MY convenience, if I can’t get in contact with you, I don’t need this phone or this bill.”
15 years later they all take my calls or reply with a text they are busy and will return the call, which they do. We had set aside money for college too, but each was expected to make the investment in their own futures, so they each paid half. One son went the full 4 years, two sons went to community college and then to trade schools. Each one is now fully engaged in fruitful careers that can’t be outsourced to five students in Pakistan.
However, around the start of 7th grade my daughter said “I don’t want to go to the Christian school anymore.” I considered the request a few seconds and said “OK” and the next day enrolled her and her brother in the local middle school/high school. After a year she was ready to go back.
Parents are not the jerk.
The daughter is a spoiled brat.
I bet SHE worked very hard to save 30K
I’m very sorry to hear what happened with your youngest. I wish you all the best.
Yep...I went to school on the GI Bill also....
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