You Can Name A Cockroach After Your Ex And Have It Fed To A Zoo Animal On Valentine’s Day

We’ll assume you’ve recently had your heart broken if you plan to spend Valentine’s Day crying into a glass of red wine and watching Bridget Jones’ Diary while eating ice cream straight from the tub.

Even if that isn’t your current plan, we’ve all had a bad ex at some point in our lives.......

..... The San Antonio Zoo is offering a special Valentine’s Day greeting to all of your ex-partners who are living rent-free inside your head.

The zoo will name a cockroach after your not-so-special someone for a pittance of USD$10

And if that isn’t a cold yet clear message to the universe that you’re so done with that rancid, heart-crushing loser, then we don’t know what else to do.

And you don’t even have to feel bad about it because the money goes to helping animals at the Texas zoo and further afield.

Donors will receive a digital Valentine’s Day card acknowledging their support of the fundraiser.

And here is where your ice-cold slice of revenge gets really sweet – your ex can also be sent a digital card informing them of their devoured cockroach namesake.

Or, if a roach ain’t your style, you can instead have a veggie named after an ex for USD$5 (AUD$7, £4).

If you’re feeling extra vengeful/charitable, you can name your ex after a rat for USD$25 (AUD$35, £20).

The website states: “San Antonio Zoo hosts its Cry Me a Cockroach Fundraiser, where funds raised support the zoo’s vision of securing a future for wildlife in Texas and around the world!

I know I had one when I about 8. They were a thing. Maybe rabbits were like pigs, everything but the squeal.

And then there was John, he raised a couple of rabbits, they were pets and they were in nice little hutches in his backyard. His kids would take them out and play with them, well one summer he went on vacation and his next door neighbor Ernie was watching the rabbits and I guess the kids from the neighborhood went into the backyard and we’re playing with the rabbits and they disappeared.

John gets back from vacationing and he’s wondering where his rabbits are. Ernie tells him that the neighborhood kids went into his backyard and were playing with the rabbits and they must have not locked them up correctly.

A couple days later Ernie’s out mowing his backyard and there’s a piece of rabbit ear laying in his yard. He figures his dogs got a hold of them and chowed down. Those rabbits weren’t so lucky either...

"This writer moved halfway around the world for a guy who couldn’t even be bothered to meet her at Heathrow Airport."

It's a shame you didn't figure out what a jerk he was before you moved, but it's nobody's fault but your own that you were so imperceptive.

Furthermore, it's your fault again that you didn't appreciate the godsend in his failure to meet you at the Airport. You should have been grateful. It was an epiphany which let you know what a jerk he was before you got any deeper involved with him.

If the cockroach ritual helps to forget some jerk or some misguided behavior of your own, by all means do it.

What's important is to recognized jerks as soon as you can, give 'em the brush off, and forget all about them.

I've known some real jackasses, but I don't hate any of them enough to bother with thinking about 'em, let alone going through that cockroach routine.

The “trailer park boys” (it’s a TV show) got an entire police department to troll me (quite viciously) on V Day several years ago. I worked for this place as a transcriptionist - they’re not in Colorado.

For some days leading up to Vday I was getting audios to transcribe that had to do with domestic violence - there was also a lot of giggling and horseplay in the background of the audio, people talking about masturbation and so on. I could tell something going on and that I was getting select audios to transcribe. (This has happened before in other places. You basically have to fill out tons of paperwork to work remotely doing transcription these days. It’s like buying a house, almost. So people can look up everything about you and clearly, someone doesn’t want for me to be able to work. Like, ever.)

Then on VDay I was treated to an audio about a man beating on a woman because she had MENOPAUSE. The hilarity. There was a guy in the background talking about how V Day means that you “F***, F***, F***!!!!” And my criminal neighbs were on the spot at the time, yelling: “She doesn’t even know how to spell menopause!!” (Ironically, I didn’t know that it was “valentine’s day” because I never do anything about it, just like most holidays - I only realized it when I went back a few days later to check the audio that I had saved and saw the date on it.) I went on twatter to check TPB’s timeline and saw that they had been at that particular PD at the same time this happened - TPB was doing a thing for a while where they were touring police departments in the USA (they’re Canadians). They would pose, shirtless, with a cop who would also be shirtless. It was always someone who was obese, like they are.

(You: THE COPS HATE YOU TOO, KRISTI!!! HAHAHAHAHAAAA!!
Me: Yeah, I know.....)

Then for several days afterwards in the background of the audio there was somebody getting in trouble for disturbing the officers while they were dictating. One guy cried.

Then a few days after that it sounded like a lady was in the background of an audio scolding someone, saying, “Why would you do that to one of our employees???” (PS: I never complained to anyone about this. Not even Mr K - not the one on this forum. I’ve offered to play some of the recordings for him, but he declines every time. Haha. I did keep some of the recordings.)

It wasn’t a hallucination: I’ve encountered a guy who looks exactly like “Ricky” from TPB twice in public. One time it was when I had pulled off the road when driving in a remote part of the state. He was with a couple of people, one of whom I recognized as someone I knew WAY back in the 1970s. They were in a pickup truck hauling a trailer that was full of yard stuff including a kid’s swingset, etc, like they were moving. They pulled up behind me blocking me from backing out of where I was parked and started yelling at me. The guy who looked like “Ricky” pulled his shirt off and started yelling at me. I don’t know if it was actually Ricky from TPB but it looked and sounded like him. They finally moved off but then showed up at the place where I got some gas. The guy I knew from the 1970s came into the store and started complaining to the cashier: “She doesn’t want to show anybody her ti*s.”

Wasn’t the only time this has happened - I also encountered this same person, or someone who looks exactly like him, at another gas station years later. I had been told to go to that particular gas station on the way home; I had gone to talk to someone off craigslist about a rental, haha.

Someone later suggested that current VP Harris had something to do with this, and that Scientology was also involved.

If you think you are too lowly or insignificant for leftist losers to screw with, think again. If you even just mildly step on their toes, you will have a lifetime of troubles after that.

The Left never runs out of money and it can always find someone who is motivated to screw with you.

I never liked V Day anyway, but now, even if someone is REALLY NICE and has a good job and says he’s a Xtian and shows signs that he wants to get to know me better, I stop talking to him.

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