“This is a strange story indeed,” said Pentagon spokesman Brigadier Gen. Ima Fullashit. “We are particularly disturbed by the report about a Navy pilot named John McCain who apparently stole an A-6 Intruder from an aircraft carrier and was dropping bombs all over Vietnam when his plane crashed due to mysterious circumstances. We understand he checked into the Hanoi location of the Hilton hotel chain and has been living there comfortably ever since.”
/BIG SARCASM OFF/
“LAIRD: There will be no American ground combat forces operating in Laos or Cambodia. We will abide by the congressional restrictions in this area, and I have no intention of asking the congress to change the congressional restrictions that were written into the law last year. If you don’t care to ask any questions about the manpower programme or the draft for selective service, I think we can conclude or conversation.””