Do the math in the Tinder Bumble world.
More than 60% of men get less than 1% of women swiping right and then less than 5% of these end up in a meaningful conversation and about 1 in 4 of those result in a 1st date. As a result these men are averaging about one 1st date per month or less and generally get turned off on it altogether and either just pursue hookups, work on their careers & forget about women, or just dive into depression. Sure they will have a list of women in their contacts who they text, get occasional replies, follow up Instagram/tiktok/etc, but they are forever friend-zoned.
Around 5% of men get over 40% of the women swiping right. These men are regularly getting scores of matches every week if they aren’t picky. Most of them do become players because its so easy, especially if they are willing to not be picky and due to the high risks of actually committing.
In America we have divorce courts, men paying both sides on attorney fees, division of assets where women usually expect 60%+, division of liabilities where women usually expect men to take 60%+, alimony, child support, day care & medical & dental & college for kids + other expenses, visitation hassles, etc. and if the women doesn’t get her way on everything she’ll lie in court that he’s abusive and they will usually get away with it. My mom is a retired divorce lawyer and tells me this is very common now where wonen regularly commit perjury with impunity and its been getting worse with time. At the same time the gossip circle of women, especially online, strongly encourages women to break free of men and we see women filing over 85% of all divorces as they follow the flock to destroy lives of men and their relationships with their children.
Coincidentally, men in America are commitmentphobes. They simply have a very hard time believing and trusting that their partner is going to be committed and trustworthy. Yes there are plenty of bad men out there. But, the good ones don’t stand much chance unless the woman is very trustworthy.
So what you end up with in the singles scene is around 5%-10% of men and around 60-80% of women having plenty of options for dating. But, the supermajority of the men are players as most of these 60%-80% of women are focused on these 5%-10% of men so you get lots of lying, women not getting much time with their “new boyfriend” (since he’s usually with some other woman), most women feeling used/abandoned, most men being invisible to almost all women with very few exceptions, and the cycle of women saying “why won’t he commit” and them just getting pickier and more sophisticated in trying to avoid the players while all they really want are these players.
Instead of finding real love and riding off into the sunset as the means of new loves -> families forming we are getting lots of people getting into love->family through settling after lots of baggage/despair in this new era of dating. And at the crux of the problem are these 3 simple facts:
(1) Men will sleep down. Players that are 9s and 10s are very willing to sleep down with the 4s and 5s if it will take less work than wining and dining the 8s, 9s, and 10s.
(2) Women will sleep with someone they see themselves being in a long-term relationship. If they can imagine themselves in a relationship then most will put out soon as they want to get the guy.
(3) Women hit a wall where their options start going down.
(4) Women value maturity in men and will date older to get a higher quality man than the ones their own age.
So, what you get is a lot of women willing to sleep with the man who is just a player because the woman wants the relationship/love and the player wants fun. This starts for the women at a young age before they hit the wall. Along the path of heartbreak and collecting baggage & getting pickier they often get jaded, end up settling, and rarely find great luck anymore once they get up to or past the wall. At the same time so many men now check out of the process and their supplies are diminishing rapidly. If they do check back in as more mature/ready men then they are much wiser in their late 30s and up than the most desirable men in their 20s as they know the risks very well on what happens if they commit to marriage/kids.
So, what’s the best way to solve this? I don’t know. We can’t put the genie back in the bottle. The online world is here to stay. No longer must men/women just rely on their small local circles to find potential dates/mates. The whole world has opened up so women can be much pickier in who they give 20 minutes, players can stay players more easily, and the consequences happen.
Question: Suppose a guy is a player and he got caught cheating & now all 3 of his girlfriends A, B, and C expose him at the same time. What happens to him now?
Answer: The night is young. Its just 9:30pm. He gets on Tinder, messages 15-20 of his contacts the same copy/paste message that he’s been super busy with work the past couple weeks, but he’d like to see them, 2-3 of them get back to him within an hour, he hooks up with one of them, and then spends the next day apologizing for going to bed early & missing the replies of the half dozen others who had messaged them back in the meantime & he then arranges that evening and a couple others to hook up with some of these others. By end of day he’ll have girlfriends D, E, and F in place. Girlfriends A, B, and C are history and forgotten.
Good post.
I feel bad for the decent men and women out there. The current social structures do not seem to work well for decent men and women. I suppose meeting people through church is a good idea, but that can be a small pool and I can see how that can also go badly for people.
I’m very glad I’m not young and single.
Sounds like an explosive case of gonorrhea and beyond. Maybe them genital warts, too.
Your post reflects reality in my opinion as it has been my experience all my life with Western women. Unfortunately I have fallen in the 60% or so of men in America that are SOL in the dating world and hook up culture we have. or this reason I have given up on Western women.
Great post