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I’ve seen it. I was 22 when I married and wife/I had our children at age 23/25. Our firstborn as a teenager was a horrible trainwreck in so many ways. My then-wife and I strongly disagreed on what to do about it all to the point where it forced us to divorce. It was clear to me (and I have sufficient evidence on this) that I was going to be lied about and stories made up by the two of them to law enforcement if I didn’t cave in to their fanatical materialism and obsessions over spending and I’d probably end up in prison for years just out of spite if I didn’t get out. So, I moved out and tried to fix it from a distance but she was insistent on not fixing her false stories so I filed for divorce. I agreed in mediation to not disparage her online so I’ll spare the details except to say that our #2 child sees it clearly for what it is, I warn him he can’t change his mom so don’t waste time on this, and #1 child is a worse trainwreck than ever in many ways as their mom is an enabler. For starts, their Debt to Income ratio is well over 1000.

When we first divorced I was part of that bottom 60%. Almost no women wanted to date a man who was recently divorced, mentioned anything on why he was now free, and I just didn’t present myself well. Thus, I was basically getting ignored. I remember that being so painful.

Eventually I was part of that 5% and it would’ve been so easy to be a player. It was sooooo easy to date. And then a few years after my divorce I met a super amazing woman, we got to know each other for over 3 years, and then we got married. I am certain we will last for life. She wasn’t the first woman I loved/adored and I certainly do love/adore her. But, she has definitely been the only one I’ve ever trusted completely and where I’ve never had a doubt on us ever since we’ve committed to each other.

In-between being in the bottom -> dating being super easy I got to see how women in dating have changed with the advent of online dating. When I was in college it was so different. Now, they almost all start collecting various types of baggage on their journeys in life. Its rare for any of them to address their baggage with integrity. Obviously, for me personally, it doesn’t matter if any of them do address their baggage with integrity as I have my partner for life. But I worry about the future for both men and women as this collection of baggage for single women is really taking a toll on society. These various types of baggage are making it practically impossible for them to have healthy marriages. At the same time there are 3 key problems of men - (a) the ignored ones - this list is way too big and its having a huge detrimental impact on society, (b) the players - if they get past their mid 20s without committing then they learn very well that they are most likely really screwed if they commit and this can’t be unlearned but great lengths are being made in society to make sure that these players have it reinforced in them that they will most likely be screwed if they commit and all the attempts to shame them just backfire and reinforce to them the realities on this in the 21st century & the big question is ignored “what will it take to get men to trust women”, (c) the men in-between who are the beta males who women with baggage settle on. In the past this was the supermajority of men but they weren’t being settled on as there was real love and endearment. But now with the world wide web wide open the supermajority of men who end up in this situation are ones where the woman has conscientiously decided to settle for him after she has experienced some alpha male(s) who were out of their reach.

Many of the men in the bottom 60% will move up to the middle tier and even to the top as they mature, move past their baggage, and work on themselves. For men most of the perceived value they have in the eyes of women comes from them working on themselves in being successful in their careers, developing self-confidence & maturity, aging & handling their looks gracefully, gaining life experiences & learning lessons, accumulating assets, physical fitness, presenting themselves better, and more. Some things, like height, can’t really be changed. So, the bottom men who are ambitious and learn their lessons can move up in the pecking order.

I think the players are very bad for society in the long run. But we aren’t going to put an end to them being players if we don’t honestly address why they end up being players and staying players.