Posted on 01/31/2022 3:17:16 PM PST by mylife
gotta admit up front: The title of this article is somewhat misleading. Yes, we will discuss chili, and yes, it's the best chili I personally have ever made.
But! To call something "the best chili ever" implies that the recipe is perfect, and perfection implies that there is no room for improvement. I can only hope that others will continue perfecting the chili work that began on the Tex-Mex border, and that I continue testing, well after the last rich and spicy remnant is licked clean off the bottom of the bowl. With that disclaimer out of the way, let's move on to the testing.
My first step was to set up some parameters that would define the ultimate chili. Certainly, there are disputes in the chili world as to what makes the best. Ground beef or chunks? Are tomatoes allowed? Should we even mention beans? But I think we can all agree on a few things.
The ultimate chili should:
Have a rich, complex chile flavor that combines sweet, bitter, hot, fresh, and fruity elements in balance. Have a robust, meaty, beefy flavor. Assuming that it contains beans, have beans that are tender, creamy, and intact. Be bound together by a thick, deep-red sauce.
To achieve these goals, I decided to break down the chili into its distinct elements—the chiles, the beef, the beans, and the flavorings—perfecting each one before putting them all together in one big happy pot.
The Chiles: this important, as is the meat, i add beef chorizo as well
(Excerpt) Read more at seriouseats.com ...
Sounds tasty!
It ain’t chili if it has beans.
I’m from Texas and I have never heard that..
I’m not a chili connoisseur, I’m a chili afficiano. I don’t exclude anything. I’ve eaten chili since I was three. Yep, when my mother went in the hospital to give birth to my brother my dad started ne on chili. I must have fifty or so chili recipies. I’ve hundreds of different chilies, both restaurant and home made. I’ve had some outta sight chili and that was crap. Just remember,
“Cincinnati is the chili capitol of the woild” Thanks, Ron.
https://youtu.be/ukCr6fG9pug
"INEXPERIENCED CHILI TASTER Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Tester Named FRANK, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon, when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting - So I accepted."
Here are the scorecards from the event:
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CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MOBSTER MONSTER CHILI JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick. JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. FRANK: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
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CHILI # 2 - ARTHUR'S AFTERBURNER CHILI JUDGE ONE: Smokey, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang. JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. FRANK: Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
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CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans. JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers. FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all the beer.
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CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili. FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burnout taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb. bitch is starting to look HOT just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is chili an aphrodisiac?
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CHILI # 5 - LINDA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very Impressive! JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage; Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off? It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks!
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CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers. JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb! FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I shit on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!
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CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about Judge Number 3, He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably. FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit to match my damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
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CHILI # 8 - Helen's Mount Saint Chili JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare it's existence. JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank, wonder how he'd have reacted to a really hot chili? FRANK: (Not available for comment.)"
As a (semi) retired truck driver, I’ve been in Texas plenty, and the Texas truckers that chew, prettah much toke thatahway.
heresy!! I use rotels
Everyone seems to be off their game. There’s not one disparaging comment about Cincinnati Chili.
Make mine a Dixie 5 way with garlic. Who-Dey!
my mother made a chili suitable for convalescing hospital patients, but is better than brother or sisters...
and damn better than lima beans!
Try just a pinch of cinnamon.
Greek chili belongs on hot dogs with onion and mustard, not on spaghetti
damned greeks!
ROFL! 😂
The author doesnt know the first thing about making real chili.
Ummm no beans. Anchos and chiltepins or you just a homo wannabe texan.
she made beans optional, I agree on the peppers
good god, I had some chiltepins wild in the mountains of Nogales Mexico.
I went blind, could not breath, snot running out of my face!
I put in 5 tops
some here use raisins others prunes, I use paseíllo chiles
Bookmarking in anticipation of delicious recipes and ideas.
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