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I actually used a book called How to Marry the Man of Your Choice, decades ago. The main take away was that you can’t have a long and picky list of criteria for your ideal spouse and then say “I want him to love me just as I am”. You put your best self forward, and have compassion for the guy’s shortcomings, and then you can start connecting with guys because they will be at ease around you. It was really a love your neighbor as you love yourself bottom line. Married almost 25 years now. ❤️

It’s so funny you mentioned the book “How to marry the man of your choice.” Some years ago I gave that book to a friend of mine for her birthday. She actually read it and said it was very useful. It helped her to find a husband and she has been happily married for two years now.

That said, I have read the most important thing about a good relationship is having similar FICO scores. The bigger the disparity in those scores, the more the marriage is doomed.

My suspicion is that you should marry someone whom you knew as a casual friend before getting serious with them.

The dating scene is such a fake thing. You’re always on your best behavior, looking your best, etc. Knowing each other as friends first lets you get to really know that person.

Another thing to watch for is how the other person treats their family, especially how a man treats his mother or how a woman reacts to her father. Too many people either miss or choose to ignore warning signs.

Before my son got married, I told him to be very sure of what he was getting into and see if there was anything he felt he couldn’t live with because any problems you encounter before marriage are going to be 100 times worse after.

The main take away was that you can’t have a long and picky list of criteria for your ideal spouse and then say “I want him to love me just as I am”. You put your best self forward...

I think this is a very underrated aspect of relationships. People think in terms of loving each other for who they are, accepting flaws, etc. but I see very few people focusing on MINIMIZING their own flaws. Or simply put, don't allow yourself to become a fat, lazy, worthless idiot and then demand your significant other "love you for who you are". And this is true for both the man and the woman, because having respect for yourself is also having respect for your spouse.

As an example, I had an idiot friend a while back who was living with his girlfriend of many years and they had a young daughter together. He complained of problems in the relationship, and things were getting worse seemingly by the day. At first I didn't understand what the problem was, but after she kicked him out of the house a couple of times and he stayed at my place, I realized what a fat, disgusting pig he had become, especially compared to the lean and mean dude he had been when they met.

He complained of this new problem and that new problem over some months, but I came to realize that the core of ALL the problems was the state he was in. She hadn't changed (much) but he had, for the worse. The fat lazy gasbag he had become was a reflection of the lack of self-discipline and respect he had for himself, which, of course, also translated into a lack of respect that he had for the woman sharing his life. Imagine caring so little for your spouse that you allow yourself to become repulsive. All of the stress, all of the arguments, were rooted in this dynamic (there was more to it - his spiraling lack of self-discipline also affected his life in other ways, but it all came from the same thing).

In the end, I tried to help him by offering to get him on my regular workout routine, because I knew the work it would take to get there would put him back on track, and he would regain some pride by getting into shape, but he whined about "fat-shaming" (I kid you not) and I decided that she SHOULD kick him the hell out.