My favorite Dave Allen story:
“Good evening. Now, a lot of people ask me why is it that, as I sit here, I am frequently seen brushing my trouser leg. And the answer is, because I drink my whiskey diluted . . . with vodka. And in the course of the evening I see the little fellows climbing up my trouser leg and what I’m doing is brushing them off.
“And, uh, I went to a psychiatrist about it, and I said: ‘I have to keep brushing the little fellows off.’ And he said: ‘Well, there’s three things I want you to do. One is relax more, the second thing is to cut down on your drinking, and the third thing is to stop brushing the little perishers all over me.’ “
You wake to the clock, you go to work to the clock, you clock-in to the clock, you clock out to the clock, you come home to the clock, you eat to the clock, you drink to the clock, you go to bed to the clock, you get up to the clock, you go back to work to the clock... You do that for forty years of your life and you retire — what do they fucking give you? A clock!
Dave Allen