3 Silly Self-Defense Urban Legends With Real Self-Defense Lessons

NRA Family ^ | Wednesday, September 29, 2021 | Wendy LaFever

[COBOL2Java]

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As Halloween approaches, parents and grandparents nationwide prepare for an annual ritual that has been enacted since the late 1970s: the careful inspection of their children's candy haul. They're looking for evidence of what has come to be known as "Halloween Sadism," or fears of candy that has been tampered with using poisons, drugs or razor blades. The fact that there has only been one true incident of poisoned candy (and that the candy wasn't meant for neighborhood children, but was instead part of a targeted murder plot) has done nothing to quell parental fears.

That's because, although Halloween Sadism stories live largely in the realm of myth as "urban legends," inspecting kids' candy takes minimal effort and certainly won't cause any harm. What's more, with a story as widespread as the "poisoned candy" legend, there's always the possibility of some very sick person deciding to play "copycat." In just this manner, there are several other crime-based urban legends that have been making the rounds for decades that are (mostly) mythical...but which do have some valuable self-defense lessons at their core.

1. The Myth: The Slasher Under the Car

The myth, which was originally spread by word-of-mouth, then by fax, then by e-mail, is both simple and nightmare-inducing. The tale states that women in "your local area" have been having problems with would-be kidnappers. These would-be kidnappers are said to have followed women to stores, then hidden themselves under the women's cars with a straight razor close to hand. When the women return, the Bad Guy slashes at their Achilles' tendons with the blade, rendering them unable to run for help.

The Reality:

As horrific as that mental image is (if you didn't cringe at it, I would like you to please tell me your secret), there has never been any evidence of any criminal attempting this method of kidnapping. Anyone who has ever had occasion to crawl under a car can attest that this space is tight, claustrophobic and filthy, with little room to maneuver. Even if the Achilles tendons presented themselves right where the criminal happened to be waiting, what assurance would he have that said tendons won't be encased in a tough pair of cowboy boots? What's more, even if the criminal is able to render the woman unable to run, she's still going to be able to scream for help (and maybe a bit more, if she legally carries a firearm).

However, there is still a very real takeaway for the self-defender buried in this myth. Parking lots are rather popular hunting grounds for criminals, especially as the holidays approach and more people are out rushing around after hours. A criminal need not squeeze himself under a car; the ones parked all around his target can provide excellent cover for a sneak attack. After Daylight Savings Time, people shopping after work will almost certainly be doing so in the dark. What's more, it's very easy to get mentally caught up in our to-do lists and slip into Condition White. It's very possible that shoppers will have both hands burdened with shopping, while simultaneously fumbling with keys using whichever fingers aren't being slowly asphyxiated by a knotted plastic bag handle. In other words, sitting ducks.

We should all be in Condition Yellow--a state of relaxed alertness--at all times when we're out in public. If we're heading to our car in a busy parking lot, we should make note of the cars around ours, and be alert to places someone might hide. We should endeavor to leave at least one hand free, and if we simply cannot, we shouldn't hesitate to request a security escort to our cars.

2. The Myth: The Headlight-Flashing Gangsters

This myth first made its appearance in the 1980s, and it goes something like this: Criminal gangs in "your local area" have created a new way to initiate members to their gang. The plan is that they drive around at night, and randomly select other motorists for a simple test--they flash their headlights at the other motorist. If that motorist flashes their lights back, they then hunt that motorist down and murder him or her to collect their criminal-gang bona fides.

The Reality:

Gangs are real, of course, and so are gang initiation rituals. However, this particular one seems to be completely fictional--there's no evidence that it was ever enacted.

However, there's definitely a kernel of good advice buried in this hoary old chestnut. When we're out on the road, we're frequently treated to drivers who behave erratically, dangerously or recklessly. Whether they're flashing their brights at you even though your brights aren't on, or tailgating you despite the fact that there's an empty lane they could use to pass, or otherwise acting as if their mother never taught them a lick of sense, it's tempting to confront them. The urge to show that other driver what your real brights look like (surface of the sun, thank you), or to brake-check the tailgater, can be overwhelming. It's in your best interests, however, to ignore it.

"Road rage," like gang violence, is also very real. It's also quite possibly the most likely way that an average, law-abiding person will come face-to-face with violence from a stranger. Psychologists can debate why otherwise rational people often let their emotions overwhelm them behind the wheel, but the fact remains that they do. The good news is that as a driver you're encased in a pretty solid steel cage that's capable of moving away from a threat rapidly...and the wise driver will do just that when they realize that a fellow motorist is becoming aggressive.

3. The Myth: The Crying Baby on Your Porch

This myth sounds so convincing that it actually made its way into more than one law-enforcement seminar back in the 1980s and 90s! The legend goes that a woman is at home alone one night when she hears the unmistakable sound of a crying baby coming from outside. At first she ignores it, thinking it must be a neighbor walking their child to sleep, but the noise continues. As the cries get louder, more high-pitched and desperate-sounding, she realizes that the sounds are coming from right outside her door. She opens the door to rescue the infant in distress, only to be greeted by the sight of a tape recorder and the rushing shadowy forms of the home invaders coming to overpower, rob and perhaps murder her.

The Reality:

Although there's no evidence that anyone ever used this specific ruse to lure a victim into the open, crime blotters and history books are rife with ones built on the same idea. Fact is, most people's first instinct when they see a fellow human in distress is to try to help them...and criminals know this can be used against us. Ted Bundy was famous for pretending to have a broken arm to get his victims to lower their guards. Would-be home invaders frequently feign distress in order to get homeowners to open their doors.

The takeaway from this myth is that you should carefully evaluate a situation before you open your car door, your home or your trust to a stranger who appears to need your help. Remember that a person who is genuinely in need of aid will receive it promptly if you phone 911 on their behalf, and that you don't have to put yourself at risk to do so. Nor should you let worries of seeming "rude" cause you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable or nervous.

Stay safe out there...and enjoy the spooky thrills of urban legends without losing sight of reality!

[Allthesaints]

What about the severed lettuce head I find in the crisper every Halloween? That’s real.

[wbarmy]

The “parking lot” situation is acerbated by the people who open the passenger door to grab whatever is available. This kind of attack is really difficult to manage if you are not really careful about the doors and your personal belongings. Especially women with purses on the passenger seat.

[COBOL2Java]

What about the severed lettuce head I find in the crisper every Halloween? That’s real.

[wbarmy]

what your real brights look like (surface of the sun, thank you), or to brake-check the tailgater,

My first sight of the guy with flood lights all around his front bumper was this kind of situation. He lit up someone with all his lights and I though a B52 was coming in for a landing.

As for brake checks, I never have anyone tailgate me for very long. With a Ford E350XL solid steel bumper (shiny) and a 5000 pound towing pintle on the rear bumper no one ever gets too close. I guess it looks scary when the van is jacked up and the towing pintle is aimed directly at your face in that tiny little car.

[KierkegaardMAN]

Paganized holiday. Waste of f time. The bored need only participate. Going to a cemetery and praying for the poor souls is time better spent.

[wbarmy]

At our house we agree with your view, but found that passing out some kind of tracts opened a few doors.

We put a small Christian coloring book tract in a plastic bag with a 4 color pack of small crayons and several wrapped candies. So far, they have been well received and the kids seem genuinely happy to get them.

[Deaf Smith]

Baby Crying...

I was coyote calling in the National Grasslands in Wise County (Texas y'all) when I realized there was a search party going on for the crying baby.

I turned off my tape player snuck out of that area.

[COBOL2Java]

I have the opposite situation. The first 15 miles or so of my commute is on a 2-lane, poorly-lit road. What gets me is the truck driver who tailgates with all his front lights high-beamed up “like a B52”. Most times I have to turn down my exterior mirrors and rear view mirror to keep from being blinded.

I don’t hit the brakes, that’s often times asking for trouble. There’s a traffic circle on the way, and if he sidles up to me before that, I’ll make a full circle to let him pass.

Failing that, I’ll ease my cruise control down to hopefully encourage him to pass me. Just this morning, that still didn’t do any good, so I had to just pull over and let him by.

[BobL]

Here’s one: Buy a nice laptop, walk out of Best Buy with it, advertising what you bought (they don’t give you a bag), and then get followed home by someone looking for a mark like you.

True or not: True for me...luckily he followed too closely, so I drove past my house and made a u-turn, he did the same (and no other reason for that u-turn except that he was following me and didn’t know the neighborhood). Needless to say, I left the neighborhood and started heading to the police station, and he figured out that I was on to him and broke off.

What should I have done: Be aware that I’m advertising and take a route home that makes it more obvious that I’m being followed.

[Psalm 73]

"Baby Crying..."

Have you ever seen (heard) a rat make that sound?
It's creepy as hell - sounds just like a baby crying - but it's a big brown rat.

[21twelve]

I was driving through Montana late at night and an old pickup got onto the highway in front of me. I moved over into the left lane and they sped up to keep pace with me.

I can’t stand being that close to someone so I slowed way down. They slowed down too.

Okay - so I sped up. They did the same and passed me. So I pull off the next ramp as they are ahead of me. I stopped for a couple of minutes to give them some space and continued. After 5 minutes I was gaining on them.

I tried to either stay behind them or ahead of them as they varied their speed.

Middle of nowhere. They finally took an exit and I didn’t see them again. Just some good-ol-boys heading back from the bar and wanting to mess with the tourist I figured.

[BobL]

Funny you mention it, I’m the same way, and if it’s safe, I’ll pull off the road to let people pass. Not that I’m a nice driver, but I don’t need another car 10 feet off of my bumper. Who knows in that situation, since you did all you could to NOT antagonize the guy...and he was still a jerk.

[MikeSteelBe]

I miss Mr. Bill getting FUBARed.

[FatherofFive]

What should I have done

Something similar happened to me. I knew I was being followed. I had my gun, but called 911. They told me to drive to a certain location, where two police cars were waiting.

[COBOL2Java]

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation tailgating

[BobL]

“Something similar happened to me. I knew I was being followed. I had my gun, but called 911. They told me to drive to a certain location, where two police cars were waiting. “

Nice...almost like it happens frequently. I reported my case, but without a plate I knew it was hopeless and I wasn’t exactly attacked either. The report was more to make them aware of the MO, and if they were really aggressive, they could initiate stings at the Best Buy.

[Deaf Smith]

"a rat make that sound?"

Just shoot it again if you're using a pellet gun.

[KierkegaardMAN]

Great idea. I used to hate getting toothbrushes in my bag as a kid.

[martin_fierro]

MYTH: "Gangsta-style" shooting is effective aiming