Posted on 07/30/2021 3:38:24 PM PDT by Trillian
Let's have some fun!
I’m sure the link is offensive to vegetarians and folks who don’t believe in folks having a sense of humor.
I sure hope so.
😀😀😀
The news has been a whole week of silliness, each day topping the previous.
But I’ll follow the thread to see how it competes.
Wow, that’s pretty much exactly what I was thinking.
#7, the baked potato can stand in for Joe, both in looks and mental content.
I’ve always been on guard against silliness on Friday...
It’s a very serious day...
Tonight at midnight is when our beloved communist masters have their propaganda operations surreptitiously release all the “bad” news...
IAC, in a world full of funny fruits, I still don’t see any reason to celebrate LGBTXYs on Fridays...
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
“Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10.”
Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: “You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.”
Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.
The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
“Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don’t stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.”
There was a small pickle named Dill
He was dropped into vinegar to Chill.
He goal means he’s Workin
To be the crunchiest Gerkin
So he waits for a sandwich to Fill!
Caller: I just shot my buddy, hurry I think he’s dead.
9-1-1: Are you sure he’s dead?
**BANG**
Caller: OK I’m sure, now what?
Ear Infection
This is so true! They always ask at the doctor’s office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what’s wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing.
There’s nothing worse than a Doctor’s Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients.
I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.
A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.
The Receptionist said, ‘Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for
today?’
‘There’s something wrong with my penis’, he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, ‘You shouldn’t come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that. ‘
‘Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,’ he said.
The Receptionist replied; ‘Now you’ve caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.’
The man replied, ‘You shouldn’t ask people questions in a roomful of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone. The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, ‘Yes??’
‘There’s something wrong with my ear,’ he stated.
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.. ‘And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?’
‘I can’t piss out of it,’ he replied.
The waiting room erupted in laughter...
Confucius Say: You Jumped Da Shark?
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