Sadly, the law doesn't care whether a spouse has cheated. Whether the husband cheated on the wife, or the wife cheated on the husband, makes no difference in divorce court.
The judges don't want to hear all the details or listen to arguments, either.
So, today, all divorces follow this formula (at least in my state):
- Whichever spouse earns more is the one who pays alimony. Alimony stops if the one collecting it remarries (or moves in with a partner, but good luck proving that).
- Whichever spouse stays in the house gets the house, but must fork over half the equity to the other spouse (or they must sell the house and split the equity 50/50).
- Unless one parent is dangerous, both parents share joint legal custody, but whichever parent stays with the kids gets primary physical custody, whereas the parent who moves out gets visitation. (The courts don't care why the parent moved out.)
- Child support is calculated based on the parents' incomes and the number of nights the kids spend with each parent.
It's not a perfect formula, and there's much more to it. But it has nothing to do with gender.
It has everything to do with the roles that are accorded based upon people's beliefs about gender.