For those interested in researching further, or maybe in an abusive relationship who want healing from the NP/BP cycle, I cannot recommend this book enough. It is the best book I’ve read on the subject. It was recommended to me and changed my life and relationships.
Please read the reviews..
https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Caretaking-Borderline-Narcissist-Drama/dp/1442238321
MUST READ WARNINGS:
DO NOT let your abusive partner know you’re reading it. Don’t let them see it. Keep it at work. Hide it. If they see it they WILL RAGE UNCONTROLLABLY, because they will know you’re on to them.
DO NOT let them know what you learn. NEVER EVER tell them they are a NP/BP. They already know, deep inside about their games and schemes. If you out them it WILL get ugly. As you learn, they WILL pick up that something is changing in you. They may be apathetic by nature, but are very intuitive to seeing their power slip away. You’ll see what I’m saying as you learn, adapt and get stronger with your boundaries.
There is a saying; “never educate your enemy”
In this context, if you educate them their tactics will become more abusive, yet more subtle and cunning.
Be careful to heed these warnings, or emotional abuse can lead to physical abuse in some cases
FINAL WARNING: if you’re in an abusive relationship, ABOVE ALL, take care of your personal safety.
NP/BP can be manifest in different levels of intensity, but these behaviors are VERY similar to sociopath behaviors and this level is where emotional abuse can turn to life threatening physical abuse.
Once they see you creating boundaries for yourself and they start losing control, the relationship WILL encounter high friction. Be prepared for this certain outcome.
BE CAREFUL
BE SAFE
BE SMART
A NP/BP has, through many years of practice, carefully cultivated manipulation of ALL the people in their lives and some of those people are more afraid of the NP/BP, than they care for you. You just haven’t seen it yet. Be careful who you confide in when discussing what you learn. You don’t want someone to tell the abuser that you’re on to them.
There are discrete support groups you can reach out to and do so if you sense danger when you start to create your own boundaries.
There is a summary of the book available online. It’s about two printed pages. Not to be used instead of reading the book, rather as a “keep you focused” after learning what you need to know and understand.
Lastly...
Boundaries are FOR YOU, not the NP/BP. They don’t have those and you can’t force them upon them. Boundaries are what you determine is healthy for you...how you will and will not be spoken to...where you will or will not go...what you will or will not do...how you will or will not be treated.
One more important communication note about these people...
When establishing boundaries, NEVER, EVER begin with the word “YOU”. To the NP/BP this is perceived as an attack, to which they will probably rage. Always begin with “I”...I don’t want this, or that...I can’t hear what you’re saying when speaking loudly/we argue...I need some quiet time.
It is true.
Years ago, when I was recovering from a relationship with such, wkpedia listed about 9 or 10 bullet points to be a full-blown NPD, and they are remarkably similar to the leftist mindset! That's why I pulled Reeses in...not sure if you were tongue in cheek there, if so, it's truer than you think!
I've not heard of the 'laughing no' test, could you steer me toward more info?
PS - read my profile, I think you'll enjoy it.