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Marriage Humor

Wife: What are you doing?
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: Nothing? You’ve been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.
Husband: I was looking for the expiration date.

Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure! What are my choices?
Wife: Yes or no.

Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and
lighten your burden.
Boy: It’s very kind of you, darling, but I don’t have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that’s because we aren’t married yet.

Son: Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my
seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy’s lap.

A newly married man asked his wife, Would you have married me if my father hadn’t
left me a fortune?
Honey, the woman replied sweetly, I’d have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!

A wife asked her husband: What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: I like your sense of humor!
Husbands are husbands

A U.S. Navy destroyer stops four Mexicans in a row boat rowing towards California.
Captain gets on the loud-hailer and shouts, Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?
One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and shouts, We are invading the
United States of America! To reclaim the territory taken by the USA during the 1800’s.
entire crew of the destroyer doubled-over in laughter. When the Captain is finally
able to catch his breath, he gets back on the loud-hailer and asks, Just the four of you?
The same Mexican stands up again and shouts, No, we’re the last four.
The other 8 million are already there!