Flaming Dragons And Blue Kitchen Cupboards

Experience | 12/16/2020 | blueunicorn6

[blueunicorn6]

I’m a lineman. That’s the term The Director gave to people like me.

“You are like linemen. Your job is to protect the quarterback.”

I don’t know why she likes to use football analogies. I guess she thinks we’ll feel better about our jobs if we imagine we are NFL players. We don’t kneel to support some political cause though. We kneel because it makes us smaller targets and smaller targets are hard for the Reps to hit.

Some of us who actually played football wanted to point out to The Director that not every lineman was there to protect the quarterback. Some of those linemen, the defensive linemen, wanted to tear the quarterback’s head off. But, you don’t correct The Director. Not unless you want to be sent to Alaska to chase moose off of runways.

The quarterback, in our world, was a machine called a Dragon. Dragons are flame projector vehicles. Us linemen provide a defensive screen for the Dragons. The Reps are scared to death of Dragons. They will do just about anything to try and destroy a Dragon. They attach explosives to them. They shoot missiles at them. They plant mines to blow them up. They used to try using poison gas to kill the Dragon driver, but the Party took the driver’s out of the Dragons. Not because the drivers were valuable to the Party. Dead drivers took time to replace. They just made the Dragons remote controlled.

Us linemen suffer a lot of casualties. The difference between us and the Dragon drivers is that the operation doesn’t stop if the Reps kill a lineman. We’re cost effective to the Party. That should be the lineman motto....”We’re Cost Effective!”

Anyway.

The Dragons are tracked vehicles with two long mechanical arms. One arm is used to punch a hole in any Rep defensive position. The second arm projects flaming jellied gasoline through the hole the first arm makes. Makes a hot time for the Reps.

The Director says she likes using the Dragons because the flames kill the COVID that every Rep has.

“We are actually doing the world a double favor”, she says. “We’re getting rid of these stupid Reps and sanitizing things!”

She’s poetic like that.

We’re on another “sanitizing” mission today. I’m on the left flank of the Dragon. My job today is to keep any of those filthy Reps from coming up on the left side of the Dragon. They’ve got lots of places to ambush us from. Looks like we’re in some kind of kids playground. The filthy Reps probably put this stuff here to disguise their fort.

So far so good. We did lose a couple of guys a couple of days ago. We didn’t go in strong enough. We’ve got a Dragon now. It’s up to the wall of the Rep fort. The filthy swine Reps have a sign out front calling this some kind of religious school. Yeah. Sure. Then why were these religious types shooting our guys? Sure, our guys fired first but aren’t these religious types supposed to turn the other cheek and run away? The Director is right when she says the Party calls the Reps two-faced.

The arm on the Dragon has punched a hole through the wall of their “school”. Here comes the cleanser! The filthy Reps are screaming now! Too late. You should have joined the Democrat Party, you losers!

Now the Reps are screaming to let their children out. Sorry. Can’t do that.

I need this job. Scream all you want. I need the money. Screw your kids.

I need money to paint my kitchen cupboards blue. Blue is really “In” this year. My wife wants blue kitchen cupboards. These Reps don’t have to live with her. I do.

All hail the Democrat Party. They’re getting me blue kitchen cupboards.

[Chode]

happy wife...