‘Ms. Ripley immediately made arrangements for me to join their family when she first noticed the scars on my body’

My brother and I were both placed into foster homes at a young age. He was lucky—he went to a family called the Ripleys. I went through four different homes in three years, and each one was worse than the next. I’d get to see my brother every few months.

Ms. Ripley would take us for lunch at McDonalds, and that’s when she first noticed the scars all over my body. She immediately made arrangements for me to join their family. Back then the word ‘family’ didn’t mean much to me.

But the Ripleys made me feel welcome in their home. Whenever I did something wrong, Ms. Ripley would sit me down and explain why it wasn’t OK. But then she’d say: ‘You’re not going anywhere. Because you belong to us now.’

Shortly after I joined the family, Mr. Ripley was diagnosed with cancer. And later that year he passed away. Ms. Ripley’s entire world fell apart. They’d been high school sweethearts. And now she was alone with two foster kids.

Nobody would have blamed her for taking us back. But instead she took us to court and made it permanent. The three of us moved into a single wide trailer in Mississippi, and that’s where she raised us.

She worked whatever odd jobs she could find. We never had much, but we went to movies. We had family game nights. She kept us busy with little league and Boy Scouts. She must have been super stressed, but that’s not at all what I remember.

I just remember the affirmation that she gave me. It was always: ‘You’re smart.’ And ‘You’re handsome.’ And ‘You survived all that stuff because you’re strong.’ She cried when I joined the Marines, but she knew it was my best chance for a college education.

And eventually I graduated from law school. Last year I had a daughter of my own. And that really put me into an emotional tailspin. Because I realized how every little choice I make is going to affect her future.

And then I started thinking about how different my life could have been. Because my early development had been the opposite of what a child’s should be. I should be broken, but I’m not.

Because thirty years ago my Mom decided to keep me. And somehow, despite all her sadness and heartbreak, she poured enough love into me so that I could heal.

This is a story close to my heart. Not to take away from or diminish this story but my wife and I are in a similar situation.

We are fortunate to be raising our 3 year old granddaughter. Her dad (our son) died when she was just one year old and then the state permanently severed her mom's parental rights for putting the child at risk by doing drugs, being an alcoholic and not taking care of her properly.

When the state approached us about taking her in, we immediately agreed. It wasn't the girl's fault what had happened to her and she had no one else. We are both in our 70s and retired. We live on a farm in the country and raise beef cattle. We are raising a toddler when we should be taking it easy.

It has been an adjustment for us but we are adults. The biggest concern was to give our granddaughter a clean, safe, stable and loving home she can call her own. There is not better joy than to see a child grow up in a loving environment.

She has had separation anxiety and behavioral issues, especially at the beginning. We've had her for two and a half years now and she is feeling more comfortable with her "new family". She still cries sometimes for her mom and dad, especially at night when she goes to bed, but she will grow out of that. Giving her normalcy and continuity is our concern. We tell her we are her grandparents but she occasionally calls my wife "mom" and me "dad". We don't discourage that. We are going to adopt her when the state gets around to starting the paperwork.

We spend almost all of our waking hours with her when she is home. She goes to a special needs school and a daycare during the week. We've had her evaluated and have talked with her teachers. They say she is a happy child and liked by the staff and other kids. She is at the top of her learning scale for her age and we attribute that to being and conversing with and learning from us. We are teaching her all of the time. She has the run of the farm, plays with the dog and will be a little farm girl just like her granny. My wife and I tell her we love her all of the time and make her feel wanted and comfortable in her new home.

We feel blessed to have her in our home to raise. We can tell she will do well as she gets older. She is smart, intellectually curious, adventurous and playful. She is adjusting to her new family and life just fine.

Without the kind of environment she has with us, she would be in the foster care system which doesn't have the best of reputations sometimes.

Thank you.

It is not what we thought our retirement would be but we quickly adjusted our lifestyle to place our granddaughter at the center of our lives. We do what we have to do.

We love her dearly and hope our health stays strong until she is of age. If not, we have an adult daughter who would take care of her. She also has an older half sister who adores her, who will be moving in with us when she is old enough to emancipate herself. She is 16 and lives with her other grandfather in another state.

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