Hi! I’m Velvet Jones!
Are you a male high school dropout between the ages of 18 and 42? Do you have three or more gold teeth in the front of your mouth? Do you like flashy coats, big cars, and like kicking women in the butt? If so, stop doing all these things for free, ’cause thanks to me, Velvet Jones, you, too, in six short weeks, can be taught to be a high-payin’ PIMP!
THat’s right, it’s a well-known fact that a good pimp can make up to $250,000 a year! And just think — because it’s off the books, you can still get your welfare check! Sounds too good to be true? It is! And, basically, all you do is drive around in a big pink Cadillac, kick women in the butt, and take their money! Sounds simple? It is, when you know how. Just send for my new book, entitled… [ he holds up the book ] “I Want to Drive a Pink Cadillac, Wear Diamond Rings…” [ he flips to the back cover ] “and Kick Women in the Butt”!
https://snltranscripts.jt.org/81/81evelvet.phtml