I kept looking for “Babylon Bee” somewhere in the story. Nickelodeon? Really?
“Scheduled re-runs of Spongebob Squarepants will be interrupted so that we may bring you the following sports presentation...”
(followed by whiny f-bombs from a generation of crumb-crunchers and their parents)
They should put the playoffs on Bravo: “Look, Brucie! It’s a bunch of men in tight pants and shoulder falsies! Ooh, and they’re hitting each other!”
This is proof that the deadly O’BrienVirus has spread to NFL headquarters. The illness is marked by excessive cursing and an inclination to make incredibly boneheaded decisions such as going for it on 4th down in your own territory while ahead by 24 points or trading your best receiver for a washed up running back with a bloated contract.