STERILIZE! STERILIZE!
Posted on 03/20/2020 12:10:53 PM PDT by gattaca
SLOUGH, BERKSHIRE—Lysol has unveiled a new shoulder-mounted turret that automatically blasts anyone who coughs, sneezes, or emits mouth droplets of any kind within six feet of you.
The Big Lysol Turret 9000 is especially useful during epidemics and flu season, though many who are fearful of germs and disease say they plan to use the product year-round, just in case.
"COUGH DETECTED. DEPLOYING COUNTERMEASURES," the system blares as it activates, coating the offender with an entire can of Lysol spray. "DESTROY ALL GERMS. DESTROY ALL GERMS."
Target, Walmart, and other big box retailers are stocking the device now for the low price of $99.99, though they immediately sold out. Customers mobbed the stores as soon as they opened this morning, gathering in a big crowd to be the first ones to get the turret guaranteed to stop germs and prevent infection. They also bought a bunch of toilet paper for reasons unknown.
"Rest assured, we are working to get more BLT-9000s to customers as soon as possible," said a spokesperson. "In the meantime, consider just pushing people away with a pool cue."
For extreme germophobes, the turret can be reprogrammed to blast anyone who simply gets within a certain distance, cough or no.
I’ll sue them for patent infringement.
I want one.
I hear Viagra has had some success in in fighting the virus and putting a smile on your face at the same time. My wife wants me to volunteer for that trial even though I don’t have the virus.
Adrian Monk would have a dozen.
That’s for sure.
Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate!
Thanks for the laugh...
No, Adrian Monk would not want a dozen. Either 10 or 100, but not 12.
How non 10 thinking of me.
You are right.
Okay - now get some wipes from Sharona or Natalie to cleanse yourself, then put on a new shirt. :)
If either were available, no problem.
Plenty of fresh laundered shirts.
All the red ones on one rack, t shirts on another, blues and greens get their own.
If either were available, no problem.
Plenty of fresh laundered shirts.
All the red ones on one rack, t shirts on another, blues and greens get their own.
Danger, Will Robinson...
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