The customer says, "What is up with the mask"?
The he/she/it says, "It's not a mask, it is a coughy filter".
The customer says, "What is up with the mask"?
The he/she/it says, "It's not a mask, it is a coughy filter".
There was a need in the factory that makes the Tickle Me Elmo doll for a new Quality Control person.
Human Resources ran an ad, interviewed several people, and hired a young lady for the position. She was given her instructions and sent to the production line.
Two days later, the foreman went to Human Resources and said “We have to fire the new inspector. She has production extremely backed up.”
The HR manager said “Let me see.”
Together the foreman and HR manager went to the shop floor. Tickle Me Elmo dolls were piled up everywhere. At the end of the production line was the new inspector. She was surrounded by the dolls. As the HR manager got close, he saw at her feet a pile of cloth cut into small strips. He also noticed a bag of small marbles.
As he watched, the new inspector took two marbles, a strip of cloth, and sewed the marbles between the legs of a doll.
He realized the problem immediately.
The HR manager approached the new inspector and said “You misunderstood your instructions. You were supposed to give each doll two test tickles.”
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN’T LOOK THAT OLD? WELL YOU’LL LOVE THIS ONE.
MY NAME IS MARY , AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.
COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN? UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT. THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.
AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL. YES. YES, I DID. I’M A MUSTANG,’ HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.
WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?’ I ASKED. HE ANSWERED, ‘IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?’
YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!’, I EXCLAIMED. HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.
THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, BALDING, WRINKLED FACED, FAT, GRAY HAIRED, DECREPIT, MISERABLE, SOB ASKED ME, “WHAT SUBJECT DID you teach?
Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A
woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
“We’re supposed to find the height of this flagpole,” said one, “but we
don’t have a ladder.”
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid
the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her
pocketbook, took a measurement, and announced, “Twenty one feet, six
inches,” and walked away.
One engineer shook his head and laughed, “A lot of good that does us. We ask
for the height and she gives us the length!”
Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and are currently
serving in the United States Congress.
Hillary Clinton: “I’m the most investigated innocent person in America!”
Doesn’t get any funnier than that!
Wonderful! I’ve really missed the Silliness!
About programming...
Real programmers don’t work from 9 to 5. If any real programmers are around at 9am it’s because they were up all night.
There are two ways of constructing a software design: One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that worked.
Real programmers don’t comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.
Ah.....the return of silliness!!!
I’ve missed this thread! Thanks for reviving it!
h/t Leo...
On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife.
The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.
After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man, and wondered what he was in for.
The old man handed a potion to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned, “This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say ‘1-2-3.’ When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform as long as you want.”
The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, “How do I stop the medicine from working?”
“Your partner must say ‘1-2-3-4,’” the medicine man responded, “but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon.”
He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved,took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom.
When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, “1-2-3!” Immediately, he was the manliest of men.
His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes,and then she asked, “What was the 1-2-3 for?”
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.
A Jewish man tells his Rabbi, “My wife is trying to poison me! I’m sure she’s putting it in my food.”
The Rabbi replies, “NO! She’s a good woman, I’ll talk to her.”
A week later, the man asks the Rabbi, “Well, what did you find out?”
The Rabbi puts his hand on the man’s shoulder, and says, “I talked to your wife for THREE HOURS.....Take the poison.”
If you are starting a ping list, I’d like to be on it!
Thank you!