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Signs and Headines
email | 10/20/2019 | unknown

Posted on 10/20/2019 2:50:29 AM PDT by sodpoodle

"TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW"

In a Laundromat:

AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT.

In a London department store:

BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS...

In an office:

WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:

AFTER TEA BREAK, STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD.

Outside a second-hand shop:

WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:

CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS...

Spotted in a safari park: (I sure hope so.)

ELEPHANTS, PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR.

Seen during a conference:

FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR.

Notice in a farmer's field:

THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

Message on a leaflet:

IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS.

On a repair shop door:

WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK.)

_________________________

Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you?

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Really? Ya' think?

------------------------------

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Now that's taking things a bit far!

------------------------------

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

What a guy! ---------------------------

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!

------------------------------

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

See if that works better than a fair trial!

-----------------------------

War Dims Hope for Peace

I can see where it might have that effect!

-------------------------------

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

Ya' think?!

-------------------------------

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Who would have thought! ------------------------------

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

They may be on to something!

------------------------------

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

You mean there's something stronger than duct tape? ------------------------------

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

He probably IS the battery charge!

------------------------------

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Weren't they fat enough?!

------------------------------

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

That's what he gets for eating those beans!

------------------------------

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Do they taste like chicken?

******************************

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

*******************

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Boy, are they tall!

*******************

And the winner is...

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Did I read that right?

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone to whom you want to bring a smile... (maybe even a chuckle).


TOPICS: Chit/Chat
KEYWORDS: editors
cut & paste
1 posted on 10/20/2019 2:50:29 AM PDT by sodpoodle
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Title should be: Signs and HEADLINES!!!!!

Should have waited for my coffee;(


2 posted on 10/20/2019 3:17:48 AM PDT by sodpoodle (Life is prickly - carry tweezers)
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To: sodpoodle

L8r


3 posted on 10/20/2019 3:20:41 AM PDT by preacher ( Journalism no longer reports news, they use news to shape our society.)
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To: sodpoodle

Great way to start the day. Thank you for posting.


4 posted on 10/20/2019 4:21:01 AM PDT by Boomer One ( ToUsesn)
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To: sodpoodle

You,sodpoodle,owe me a new keyboard!


5 posted on 10/20/2019 4:46:02 AM PDT by Gay State Conservative (A joke: Brennan,Comey and Lynch walk into a Barr...)
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To: sodpoodle
The local Greeley Tribune vending machines say:

Use ANY coin combination.
Do NOT use pennies.

6 posted on 10/20/2019 4:53:34 AM PDT by real saxophonist (Yeah, well, y'know that's just like, uh... your opinion, man.)
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To: sodpoodle
Crushed Red Pepper. Do Not Crush.


7 posted on 10/20/2019 4:59:09 AM PDT by real saxophonist (Yeah, well, y'know that's just like, uh... your opinion, man.)
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To: sodpoodle
True Story here.

I'm standing in Line at the DMV Office to get My Drivers License renewed and as the line moves forward a sign printed on 8.5 x 11 paper is taped on a support column and comes into My view and it reads:

If You can't read,
Verbal Testing is available
on Tuesday and Thursday at 3:00pm


8 posted on 10/20/2019 5:41:18 AM PDT by mabarker1 ((Congress- the opposite of PROGRESS!A fraud,a hypocrite,a liar. I'm ,,! I a member of Congress)
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To: mabarker1

;)

Which road signs do they get to ignore - because they can’t read them?????????????


9 posted on 10/20/2019 5:47:34 AM PDT by sodpoodle (Life is prickly - carry tweezers)
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To: real saxophonist

Who writes their editorials??


10 posted on 10/20/2019 5:48:59 AM PDT by sodpoodle (Life is prickly - carry tweezers)
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To: sodpoodle
There's a restaurant near me with this sign in the restroom:

"EMPLOYEES MUST WASH YOUR HANDS BEFORE LEAVING"

Sometimes customers have been known to wait for hours.

11 posted on 10/20/2019 6:05:42 AM PDT by Eric Pode of Croydon (I'm an unreconstructed Free Trader and I do not give a damn.)
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To: sodpoodle

lol bttt


12 posted on 10/20/2019 6:27:42 AM PDT by facedown (Armed in the Heartland)
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To: sodpoodle

All that don’t have that “universal” Picture on them and the ones printed in pedro (Spanish).

Heck I never thought about it till now- Maybe it’s for the State Employees ?!?!


13 posted on 10/20/2019 8:32:34 AM PDT by mabarker1 ((Congress- the opposite of PROGRESS!A fraud,a hypocrite,a liar. I'm ,,! I a member of Congress)
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To: mabarker1

thanks for making me and hubby laugh out loud.


14 posted on 10/20/2019 7:06:14 PM PDT by A virtuous woman (I'm praying for my country.)
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To: sodpoodle

Saving thread.


15 posted on 10/21/2019 5:49:39 PM PDT by octex
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To: A virtuous woman

You’re Welcome, glad I could help.


16 posted on 10/24/2019 8:15:48 AM PDT by mabarker1 ((Congress- the opposite of PROGRESS!A fraud,a hypocrite,a liar. I'm ,,! I a member of Congress)
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