We Would Like To State For The Record That Hillary Clinton Is An Upstanding Citizen And A Fine Human Being
A note from the editorial board at The Babylon Bee:
A number of people have questioned our love for Hillary Clinton based on some satirical pieces published on our site recently.
We would like to clear things up by saying that Hillary Clinton is an upstanding citizen and a very fine human being. She is of excellent character. She would never hurt anyone. The people who wrote those jokes, headlines, and pieces that seemed to criticize Hillary have been dealt with.
Some conspiracy theories have been going around about the Clintons, and we think that’s just despicable. Deplorable, really. From Bill’s time in the White House all the way through Hillary’s spotless record as Secretary of State, the Clintons have served this country with honor and not a hint of scandal. For people to suggest they are so powerful and sinister to kill those who might expose some non-existent “wrongdoings” in their past is treason, really.
We just want to make certain that it’s clear how much we respect, love, and honor the Clintons. Honestly, they’re our favorite politicians of all the politicians, way better than that Trump guy. It’s a real shame Hillary didn’t win. She’s our president.
Above all, we want to make sure Hillary does not question our loyalty to her and the whole Clinton family. We have nothing bad to say about her. Also, just to be clear, we have no dirt or inside information on her whatsoever and nothing would be gained by our untimely deaths.
So, Hillary, we love you! Please do not hurt us.