Posted on 07/01/2019 12:06:35 PM PDT by CondoleezzaProtege
In American culture, we believe that men can never be entirely trusted in the realm of the physical. We collectively suspect that, given the opportunity, men will collapse into the sexual at a moment’s notice. That men don’t know how to physically connect otherwise. That men can’t control themselves. That men are dogs.
There is no corresponding narrative about women.
And where does this leave men? Physically and emotionally isolated. Cut off from the deeply human physical contact that is proven to reduce stress, encourage self esteem and create community. Instead, we walk in the vast crowds of our cities alone in a desert of disconnection. Starving for physical connection.
How often do men actually get the opportunity to express affection through long lasting platonic touch? How often does it happen between men? Or between men and women? Not a hand shake or a hug, but lasting physical contact between two people that is comforting and personal but not sexual. Between persons who are not lovers and never will be. Think, holding hands. Or leaning on each other. Sitting together...And if you are a man, imagine a five minutes of contact with another man. How quickly does that idea raise the ugly specter of homophobia? And why?
I doubt its a question the average Italian man would ever ask himself. But here in America, generations of Puritanical sexual shaming have made it a central question. By putting the fear of the sexual first in all our interactions, we have thrown out the baby with the bathwater, avoiding all contact rather than risk even the hint of unwanted sexual touch.
American culture leaves boys few options. While aggression on the basketball court or bullying in the locker room often results in sporadic moments of human contact, gentleness likely does not...
(Excerpt) Read more at goodmenproject.com ...
I'm curious whether you are male or female. As a male, I wouldn't want a hug from either a male or female under those circumstances. From a male, it would seem gay. From a female, it would make me feel emasculated. What I would have liked most in that situation was a male whom I respected to say, "Hey, man, you didn't deserve that. How about joining me for a beer after work."
I find it attractive in a man, when he’s secure enough to express affection sincerely and directly.
And it doesn’t have to be physical - some men are really inhibited even when it comes to verbal expression.
Didn’t we get this “men need hugs” article last week? Or was that a different one?
Perceptive points.
I am a woman; and I keenly felt at that moment that he would have welcomed a hug.
Now that there is funny. :-)
.... we-e-e-e-ell.... you see...
Before I see the inevitably insecure male postings and splinter sexist postings, I do have to say something.
I largely agree with the sentiments, BUT as a woman I have never once had platonic contact with anyone besides my parents for 5 long minutes! Or witnessed it.
I suppose it depends on the person. I would not have wanted a hug under those circumstances.
I see evidence of this in the news, every day. But I don’t encounter it in my own daily life. I find the majority of people I encounter to be very friendly and considerate.
Well, we were alone together, and he was obviously near tears - not just because he had been humiliated but because he was in fear of losing his job as well.
i find many people friendly too
but there are nowadays many dangerous and aggressive drivers on the roads
and people are not often courteous or cordial as they go about the city
its a far cry from the old days ... when men opened doors for women, when young folks would give their train seats to elders, when people would say Good Morning as they passed...etc etc.
in big cities now, forget it.
in smaller towns, yes some civility remains alive!! thank heaven!
You’re certainly right about drivers! Far fewer people have respect for the other driver on the road - they’ve become so self-centered.
(Add cellphones - and a neighborhood like mine where half the people are immigrants who never really learned the rules of the road - and it’s dangerous as hell out there!)
agreed!
and depending where you’re at,
half of the drivers are all doped up, too
I still would not have wanted a hug. It's interesting that in that situation your instinct was to not give a hug. It sounds like you later felt somewhat guilty about acting (or not acting in this case) based on that instinct. Instincts exist for a reason, whatever that reason may be, and chances are they are correct. A few consoling words, which I'm sure you provided, would have been more than sufficient if I were in his shoes.
I’m not sure my ‘instinct’ was that the man wouldn’t have appreciated it - workplace dynamics alone often overcome and inhibit accurate instinct and nature.
(He was a Black man younger than I, and lower on the ‘totem pole’ in the organization; but there existed a great deal of respect between us. I still wish I had given him a hug - it’s a greater investment than just words, and in the moment would have meant much more than the mere words I was able to muster.)
Yeah, he does come across as more than a bit effeminate.
Are you a man or a woman?
What do you think?
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