Oh geez.
I’ll have what they’re having!
I grew up hating raccoons because they would trick a retriever into following them into a swamp and then drowned the dog by climbing onto its head.
I loved stories of treed raccoons leaping into a pack of dogs and getting torn to bits.
Sorry, but as Popeye would say, “they ain’t house pets”.
One climbed onto my porch and hissed at me. I pointed a .22 pistol at it and it knew what that meant and left.