Shlomo and Sarah had been married 50 years. Shlomo was almost blind, but could hear fine. Sarah could see great, but was almost deaf. So Sarah would do the driving. They had a nice large Cadillac.
One day they had gone to the city and were pulled over by a trooper. Sarah rolled do”Do you know how fast you were going?”
Sarah turned to Shlomo “Vadt? Vadt did he say?” she said.
Shlmo turned to Sarah and yelled: “HE ASKED IF YOU KNEW HOW FAST YOU WERE GOING!”
Well, no, no she didn’t. She was just going along with traffic.
“Let me see your license and registration,” commanded the trooper.
Again, Sarah turned to Shlomo “Vadt!? Vadt did he say?”
Shlomo again yelled “HE ASKED FOR YOUR LICENSE AND REGISTRATION.”
Sarah got her license and registration and gave it to the trooper.
The trooper looked at the license. “I see you are live in Cherry Hill. The meanest woman I ever dated was from Cherry Hill.”
And again Sarah turned to Shlomo, “Vadt!? Vadt did he say?”
Shlomo replied: “HE SAID HE KNOWS YOUR SISTER!”
A proud Jewish grandmother took her grandson to Miami Beach. She gets him all settled on the sand with his little outfit and pail and shovel, then lays back on her beach chair enjoying the sun. Just then, a large wave rushes in and carries the baby out to sea. The woman jumps up and shakes her fist towards heaven yelling, “Godt, how could you do this?! This baby nine months in his mother’s womb barely two years with us! How could you let this happen?!”
Just then, another wave comes washing into shore leaving the baby at her feet, completely unharmed. He wasn’t even crying. She looks down at him, then back up to the heavens, then back down at the baby again. Looking up once again, she says, “He had a hat!”
True story: I used to work with a sweet elderly Jewish man and one day he said to me, “You know, I always drink Sanka coffee.” “Why do you always drink Sanka coffee?”, I asked him. He answered, “Because it’s 97% caffeine free, and I figure if I can get the caffeine free, I’ll drink the coffee!”