Again, I’m really enjoying your posts & this thread as a whole.
You say’ “patronizing is a good choice of word to characterise the attitude of white society, especially among the women.”
That comment touches on other complex issues WRT the peculiar institution.
White Christian women married to plantation owners had to produce an heir or two, then feign a ladylike disinterest in sex, while pretending not to notice the strong resemblance to her husband & sons all the light-skinned little “pickanninnies” on the plantatation bore.
The white women knew the slave women were attracting their husbands’ attention & even genuine affection in some instances.
The offspring of these liasons were more likely to be freed, not only because they were part white, but to get rid of them, lest they try and claim any inheritance.
So, yes, I’d agree, patronizing/ condescension does aptly characterise even the more compassionate treatment of slaves by their white masters.
Bear in mind, after the importation of slaves was outlawed in 1808 by President Jefferson many years before the Civil War, many slaveowners became personally involved in producing more slaves. There was an economic rationale behind immoral behavior.