Posted on 03/08/2019 4:22:39 AM PST by sodpoodle
A woman ran a red traffic light and crashed into a man's car.
Both of their cars are demolished, but amazingly neither of them was hurt.
After they crawled out of their cars, the woman said; "Wow, just look at our cars. There’s nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."
The man replied," I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!"
The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is demolished, but my bottle of 75 year old scotch didn't break.
Surely God meant for us to drink this vintage delicacy and celebrate our good fortune" Then she handed the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opened it, drank almost half the bottle and then handed it back to the woman The woman took the bottle, immediately put the cap back on, and handed it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
She replies, "Nah. I think I'll just wait for the police."
Years ago Adam ate the apple.
Men will never learn.
God bless, Sod
is that the one that I read titled adult... ? I read it then went back looking for it within a half hour and couldn’t find it. I wondered what happened to it.
I miss the Friday Silliness Thread. This is from an old one.
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and into a shop. I was only there for about 5 minutes, and when I came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. +
I said to him, ‘Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break’?
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
I called him a ‘Nazi.’
He glared at me and wrote another ticket for having worn tires.
So I called him a ‘doughnut eating Gestapo.’
He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.
Then he wrote a third ticket.
This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn’t care. I came downtown on the bus, and the car that he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said, ‘Obama in ‘08 .’
I try to have a little fun each day now that I’m retired. It’s important to my health.
By the way, I like your profile, especially the part about how childish posters are when they misrepresent themselves as being banned. It's like they're 14 years old, trying to be "cute."
Anyway, I don't care for obscenities or blasphemies or curses or foul language any more than the next guy, but at the same time it needs pointed out that sometimes such gives context and substance that's absent if they're omitted.
It was too bad when one of the most popular features here on freerepublic, if not the most popular, withered away because of complaints about language.....even though the language was not that of the poster.
The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are the winners…..
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.(This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The colour you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are…..
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absent mindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n Olive-flavoured mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n.A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n.A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n.The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
Ping Post#6
Ping #6
Reminds me of another old joke.
Old Sean was driving his car a bit erratically and got stopped by a cop. The cop asked if he had been drinking and Sean says, “No officer, just sipping on some water to keep me mouth from getting parched.”
The cop says he smells what seems to be wine and spies a bottle in a paper bag on the seat beside Sean. The cop asks to check the bottle, uncaps it and takes a whiff and says, “I knew it Sean, this is a bottle of wine, not water like you claim!”
Sean grabs the bottle back and takes his own whiff and exclaims, “Praise the Lord! He’s done it again!”
Good list. They ought to add those to Webster’s.
Gotta save #6.
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