Posted on 02/15/2019 11:05:02 AM PST by sodpoodle
Today I was in a store named Sunglasses Only. A young lady walked over to me and asked, "What brings you in today? I looked at her and said, "I'm interested in buying a refrigerator." She didn't quite know how to respond.
I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.
When people see a cat's litter box they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!
Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency. I think you should write, "An ambulance."
The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
Did you ever notice that when you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs?"
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Some people try to turn back their "odometers." Not me. I want people to know why I look this way. I've traveled a long way and a lot of the roads were not paved.
You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
Ah! Being young is beautiful but being old is comfortable.
Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.
May you always have: Love to share, Cash to spare, and Friends who care.
...and I do, my friends!
Dem rendition of the “Hereafter”:
Take a woman to a secluded place and then tell her, “If you’re not hereafter what I’m hereafter, you’re gonna be hereafter I’m gone”...
After a night at our favorite watering hole, a few of us stopped at a Waffle House to get something to eat. One of the guys was not one who often went out anywhere and when he ordered eggs/bacon/hash-browns, the waitress asked him, “Hon, how do you want your eggs?” He looked at her for a second and you could see he was confused and he eventually said, “Cooked”.
For many years, when a waitress asks me how I like my eggs, I often say “Oh, I like them just fine”.
She’ll almost always then say “no, how do you like them cooked?”
My reply? “Oh I like ‘em a lot better that way”...
I’m gonna really regret it one day if a smartass waitress brings me 2 very raw eggs...hehe
hell, i don’t remember where we put the restraints...
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