Set up a VoIP server in your bathroom. Use a mifi hot spot to connect back to it remotely and make and receive all calls over a landline connected to a modem in that bathroom. You need 1024 AES encryption and use 3 decoder wheels to talk in various code. Pretty simple.
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Do I get the decoder ring too??
Drink your ovaltine!
Pretty much expect no privacy.
Be Sure To Drink Your Ovaltine