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So after I go off the porch Hal Needham-style three weeks ago, I'm ready to put a rope around my neck. The pain is killing me. There isn't a bone from tuckus to collarbone that doesn't hurt. So I go to see my doctor. You know my doctor - Dr. Vinnie Boombatz. He tells me that it's nothing but muscle spasms. So what's he do? Puts me on a five day dose of Valium. Valium. He said don't drink beer, wine, take lorazepam, or anything else with it for five days, You know it does for me? It doesn't make me sleepy. It doesn't relax my muscles. What it does do is it makes me puke. He said that if I don't feel better, he'll see about something stronger and send me to radiology. I'm on Day Four and I still feel like I got run over by a steam roller. He's got one more day before I plant a size 10 hiking boot up his ass and extract it with a prescription for hydrocodone, Darvocet, Percocet, or Dilaudid nailed to the steel toe. That's how I'm doing. And by God, I got pictures to take with me his time.