Texas- man drives into a No U Turn and gets pulled over- officer says “Didn’t you see the sign?” Man says “I sure did- that’s why i turned, and I didn’t even want to turn, i wanted to go straight, but the sign said “No, You turn””
Southern man complained about a sign that said “Stop Ahead” man stopped, looked, but didn’t see no stinkin head- false advertising
Are you a Liberal, Conservative or Southerner?
Situation:
A thug, high on drugs, comes around the corner and sees you and your family. He screams terrible, foul obscenities and lunges at you with a big “honkin” knife. You are armed only with a handgun, and have just seconds to act. What do you do?
Liberal’s Answer:
(pick one or more statements until stabbed to death)
1. “I must have offended this poor oppressed individual expressing outrage against society.”
2. “He is a poor minority suffering from historical persecution and racist colonial oppression.”
3. “It’s society’s fault he has such low self-esteem and poor social skills.”
4. “Why do I have a handgun? What kind of message am I sending to my wife and children?”
5. “What does the law say my moral, social and legal responsibilities are in this situation?”
6. “If I am being stabbed and hold on to his knees, can my family get away and call 911?”
7. “A paint and weed day would help integrate such excluded anti-social members of society.”
8. “If we raised taxes, this community could have a much happier, healthier environment.”
9. “I should discuss the complex social implications with a human rights lawyer.”
10. “I need more information to answer this question!”
Conservative’s Answer:
BANG!
Southerner’s Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click (sounds of reloading).
Wife: “Sweetheart, he looks like he’s still moving. What do you kids think?”
Son: “Mom’s right Dad, I saw it too…”
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.
Daughter: “Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?”
Cop: “You're going the wrong way, didn't you see the Arrow?”
Granddad: “Arrow hell, I didn't even see the Indians!”