Posted on 09/17/2018 8:45:55 AM PDT by sodpoodle
BRITISH HUMOR IS DIFFERENT These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers: FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites!
FREE PUPPIES 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd. Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY ! Must sell washer and dryer £100.
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE . Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.
**** And the WINNER is... ****
FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.
Statement of the Century Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--BillyConnolly. "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Children Are Quick ____________________________________
TEACHER: Why are you late? STUDENT: Class started before I got here. ____________________________________ TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. (I Love this child) ____________________________________________ TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. __________________________________ TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me! __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. _______________________________________ ______________________________ TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand..... ______________________________________ TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook. ______________________________ TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
(I want to adopt this kid!!!) ___________________________________ TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher. __________________________________ PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
The guy is a genius. His name should go down in history.
BillyConnolly.
“If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can’t have a headache and sex at the same time?”
bad cut & paste job on second part;( Sorry;(
Thanks for the laughs!
TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. (I Love this child)
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me! __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog. (I want to adopt this kid!!!)
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher. __________________________________ Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
Love British humor! They (Britons) cut through the BS and get right to the point : )
My wife once told me her gynecologist recommended that she abstain from sex for a month. I asked what her dentist said.
Outstanding
Ha!
Thanks for posting :)
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