British Royal Navy Sailors Arrested In Florida For Drunkeness, Fighting

British Tars being British Tars. They didn’t waste their liberty. They will have pleasant memories of the States and a few scars to remember them by.

I’m glad to see Big Lizzie is being properly broken in on her maiden voyage.

Drunk, disorderly, tazered and hauled in by the cops after starting bar room brawls.......yep. They’re proper sailors.

Exactly. This confirms that they’re real sailors.

Thanks, I thought not. Spend some time in a port city anywhere in the world when the fleet is in town. I’m sure they were not intentionally insulting anyone.

Exactly what I was thinking

I have been on some pretty wild liberties.
******************************************
One night back in the Seventies stood out, anchored off Barcelona, I was just sitting in the powerplants shop late, writing letters, and the door opens. In comes Ski and Bob. They are drunker than skunks, and Ski is rattling on, nearly incoherently, about drinking out of urinals and wiping his face with toilet paper. I had no idea what he was talking about, and Bob kept saying “Don’t listen to him. He’s crazy. He has no idea what he is talking about...”

Well, I could believe that. They left and went to bed. The next morning, they came down to the shop and convinced a group of us to go back with them to this restaurant. They just had to go there again, they said nobody would believe them if we didn’t. So that night, eight of us got on a liberty launch and went into town. Myself, my boss, a toothless 1st Class, one of my fellow troubleshooters, Ski, Bob, John and Tom, another 1st Class in my shop.

Once ashore, Bob and Ski admitted they were so inebriated the night before, they had no idea where this place was, or what it was called. We couldn’t believe it! But they insisted that it would be easy to recognize, so we hopped into two taxis, and had the guys drive us around Barcelona. Up and down the streets we went, peering out the windows. We drove for 45 minutes, and finally, the cab driver pulled over, turned around and basically said “What the hell are you boys doing?” None of us spoke Spanish, and he spoke no English, so....we tried everything to get the point across to him. Making motions with our hands to mouth to eat, and Ski made a motion like smashing something with a hammer while saying “BOOM BOOM”, and the guys face just lights up. He says “AAAAAhhhhhhhhhh...” and turned around and drove us right to this place and stopped in front of it.

We walk inside, and to the left is a bar, and further ahead, a bunch of tables. There is paper, trash, food and broken glass on the floor. I take this all in, and say to myself “This ain’t right...” and suddenly, there is a deafening “BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM”! I cringe and look to my left, behind the bar, and this guy (dressed in what appears to my untrained eye to be Lederhosen, shorts, suspenders, etc. ) has a HUGE wooden mallet with a short handle on it. The head of the mallet appeared to be at least a solid foot diameter on the face, and was a least two feet long. Basically, it looked like a piece cut out of a tree trunk! He had the mallet with both hands, and was pounding it on the bar with all of his might. The whole bar and wall behind it shook...crockery, glasses and cups fell off the shelves onto the floor and shattered.

There were rolls of toilet paper being dispensed from hangers installed up near the ceiling. When customers wanted a napkin, they just reached over and grabbed some toilet paper. After using it, they would simply throw it on the floor. Nobody said anything to us and pointedly ignored us, so we found a table and sat down. We sat there for about 15 minutes, wondering what we needed to do to get something to eat and drink, and this old withered, bald guy, wearing the Lederhosen, just walks up to us and looks at us with his hands behind his back, rocking back and forth on his toes.

We looked at him then at each other, then back at him. He looked at us. We all shrugged our shoulders and one of us said “Cerveza?” at which he turned on his heels and walked away without a word. This was very strange. Another guy walks over with his arms full of beer mugs, and throws them on the table! We scrambled to catch them, but several slid off the table and broke on the floor.

We grabbed our mugs, thinking “Okay, what now” when the old guy comes back over with an enameled chamber pot, and puts it down on the table. It is full of beer, and we dumbly stare at the guy. He reaches over, grabs a mug, and dips it in the chamber pot of beer, scooping out a mug full. At that, we all burst into laughter, then scoop our mugs in and begin drinking.

And so it starts. We drank and drank chamber pot after chamber pot of beer. Then, the old guy came back over to the table and just stood there looking at us. We looked at him then at each other, then back at him. He looked at us. We all shrugged our shoulders in bewilderment. The guy had one hand behind his back, and pulled it out, and there was half of an onion. Food? Yes, we would like food...could we get some bread as well...”Pan?” The little withered bald guy in Lederhosen turned on his heels and walked away.

Suddenly, a wheel of bread, thrown from the other side of the restaurant, came winging at our table like some huge, oversized golden-brown frisbee! We missed it, and just as we looked at each other to say “What the...” another wheel came winging to our table! We caught that one, and the next one that arrived a second or two later. I have no memory of eating anything. Things got a little fuzzy after that.

Then, one of the guys who worked there came to our table and began shouting in Spanish, while he gesticulated with this...er...device in his other hand. It looked suspiciously like a douche (as if I had any idea what the

hell that was...but Toothless 1st Class (who had to have all of his teeth pulled on the cruise for some reason) stated his certainty of that identification.

We’re gonna drink out of a douche? Is that safe?

Well, we were drunk enough at that point that drinking out of the toilet itself might have seemed like a good idea. The guy holding the “device” looked at us, and with the patience of a teacher educating slow students, stuck the tube in his mouth and took a big swallow as if to say “See? Nothing to it!” Well, he used that to dispense beer to us as if he were using a fire extinguisher.

Pretty soon, there were two or three of these things being passed around...my recollection after that time frame is a bit fuzzy. I remember eating chicken and throwing the bones over my shoulder. I also remember a fire starting on the floor at the table next to us, all that crumpled up toilet paper on the floor must have been ripe for a spark, but one of the Lederhosen wearing guys simple walked over and dumped a chamber pot of beer on it to extinguish it.

Throughout it all, there seemed to be and incessant BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM as one or another of the staff would take a turn with the huge mallet.

There were occasional wheels of bread that flew through our midst, I think, but I cannot be sure. At one point, a young lady at another table wearing a denim top surrendered it to the staff, who modeled it for us. I have no recollection of seeing that woman without it. I remember the woman was there with two guys, and I think it was their table that had the fire.

Soon, all three of the guys who ran the place were drinking with us. I do not believe there was much service going on other than these guys hauling the beer dispenser devices to any patrons who happened to be there, which at that time was doubtful. I believe we were the only ones there.

The next thing I remember is standing outside the place in a line, facing the entrance. As the guys lowered the grating on the entrance and crouched underneath it to exit, we all turned and mooned them. They began shouting in Spanish, and simultaneously began pissing in the street! At that point, a cab showed up, and Ski jumped up and stood on the hood of the cab, while the driver yelled out the window at him.

That was the last thing I remembered that night. As long as I live, I will never forget that night (the part I could remember). The name of the establishment is lost to me, if anyone reading this knows of it, I would appreciate the information. Someone told me later it was very popular with the college crowd.

What do you do with a drunken sailor
What do you do with a drunken sailor
What do you do with a drunken sailor
Early in the morning?

Tase him in the gonads till he’s sober
Tase him in the gonads till he’s sober
Tase him in the gonads till he’s sober
Early in the morning

Lock him in a cell with a single toilet
Lock him in a cell with a single toilet
Lock him in a cell with a single toilet
Early in the morning

Lol!

The first time on my first cruise we pulled into Barcelona for Liberty, our 1st Class got us together (Cookieman) and told us newbies: “Stay out of trouble, and don’t let the Carabinieri catch you pissing behind a dumpster at 2 AM!”

So for us, at least, public urination was something to avoid.

Reminds me of "The Fireboat Drill" in "Das Boot"

Hehe, it is an easy song for even very drunk sailors to sing, and new lyrics can be made up on the fly!

I’ll bet not for the faint of heart!

Plus when you get outside your “comfort zone” of things to drink, because people from some other country are shoving them at you...it can go south in epic ways.

I remember guys drinking Ouzo one time, which left a singularly wonderful and disgustingly sweet aftertaste in your mouth, we just didn’t think you could get hammered drinking it.

You sure can.

I saw more guys drunk into insensibility at the same time that night than any other...

just damn... been on a few wild drunks in my life but that takes the cake!!!

What I find remarkable is that Britain still has a navy.

If they went with F18 SuperHornets they would probably be operational now.