[boatbums]

Agnes and Gladys were together in Agnes’ car going out to have dinner. Gladys thought she noticed Agnes driving through a red light, but she wasn’t sure. She did notice the next missed red light and hoped that Agnes didn’t mean to, but she determined she would speak up if it happened again. Sure enough, she drove right through another one.

“Agnes”, Gladys exclaimed, “That’s the third red light you’ve driven through!”

“Oh my God!”, Agnes cried, “Am I driving?!”

[ConservativeWarrior]

An elderly couple are watching tv one evening when the husband says “I feel like a bowl ice cream. You want one?”

The wife replies “Yes, that would be great. I’d like vanilla with fudge, chopped nuts, a few slices of banana, and a cherry. You know, you’d better write this down. Your memory isn’t what it used to be.”

“I’ve got it, I’ve got it” the husband replied, bothered.

The wife can hear her husband in the kitchen turning on the stove, opening the fridge, mixing something with a whisk. She gets angrier and angrier as she sits there listening to him obviously not preparing a sundae.

He comes into the room a while later with a full breakfast tray. Eggs, bacon, toast, and coffee.

The wife shakes here head, completely vexed and says...

“You old fool! I told you to write it down! Where’s my oatmeal?”

[sodpoodle]

The wife and myself had come to town to pick up a few things. We came out of one store and saw a cop writing a ticket for illegal parking right in front of us on the curb.

So we asked him nicely to give a couple of retirees a break. But he paid us no attention and kept writing.

Just loud enough for him to hear, my wife said, “What a Bozo.”

The cop looked up, stared at my wife, then started writing out another ticket.

I said, “Honey, this guy probably just learned to read and write, and he’s so proud of himself, he’s showing off.”

The cop tore off the 2nd ticket and started on a third.

We kept making comments and he kept writing tickets till he was up to about half a dozen.

Finally, glaring at us, the cop left, and we walked on down the street. We didn’t care about the tickets. We always take the bus into town, and anyway, that car was one of those obnoxious Hummers. <>Being retired, we always try to find ways to keep ourselves amused. We feel it’s important.