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That’s the ideal formula. Sadly, the chances of both spouses buying in to that, and being on the same wavelength, are almost zero. In order for it to work it has to be an even 50-50 situation.

A great priest in NYC recently wrote that the difficulty people have in "speaking clearly" is that they also have to tell the truth. It is one thing to say "I love you" but it's entirely something else to say "when I ask you to do something, why don't you do it?" It's miraculous if the retort is "because it may be important to you. But it's not that important to me."

To be sure, that exchange in even the most stable of marriages can invoke World War 9. But such an exchange ultimately leads to clarity and truth - mowing the lawn isn't important because the game is on, but it makes the home look bad and since they homeschool she feels like it could make an already on-edge local school district more inclined to lower the boom because "it looks like they aren't taking care of the kids." If that was said, I bet the lawn gets mowed.

I agree such a partnership is hard. But we spend zillions on getting MBAs that preach the importance of partnering....it'd be nice to put that secular truism to work but following God's bullets.